Brightest Young Things

Max had a hot date last night.
And since he's a good kid and a funny writer and stays in every godforsaken Wednesday to recap the mess that this season of Top Chef has been, I let him have one "get out of jail" free card.
He deserves it.
(fingers crossed the date was worth the date too).

So-you get me, who know nothing about food aside from the fact that I like it and knows nothing about "Top Chef" aside from the fact that I vaguely remember I used to like it back when they had people who knew how to cook on it.
With that in mind, here is the semi-finale of Top Chef whatever-season-it-is in point by point anecdotal form:

• It all took place in New Orleans so if you wanted to do a "when they say gumbo" or "when they say crawfish" drinking game, you'd be so wasted by now not even Carla's non-alcoholic spritzer could save you. That probably would have made everything better too.
• They brought Jeff back for one episode, which I thought was great since I <3 Jeff and his complicated manorexic soul, and also because I giggle like a 13-year-old schoolgirl every time I misread Dilido Beach Club (Jeff's restaurant) as DILDO Beach club. It is all about simple pleasures.
• The guest judge was Emeril which meant that there was a lot of mugging and that Danny (the muggy dude with horrible facial hair who resembled someone out of Ratatouille only more cartoon like) was the saddest little puppy this week for being eliminated oh, what? 18 weeks a go? There were, however, NO "BAM"s to speak off.
• Carla straightened her hair
• Fabio cut his into a mohawk and showed up in a pink scarf which obviously was a bad omen if I ever saw one
• They had to make food for some masked ball at some museum (which frankly looked like a set to me) which sadly bore no resemblance to the Labyrinth masked ball but reminded Fabio of "one of those porn movies where everyone wears a mask"
• Stefan was SUPER COCKY
• Stefan also took a LOT of smoking breaks which I somehow feel is unhygenic when handling food
• Hosea I think is gaining weight probably because Leah is gone (though she was brought briefly back for that whole "lets bring someone back and stir things up" gimmick that Bravo never tires of) and he has no one who wants to take his shirt off
• They cooked some creole food and made some cocktails (naturally there was a variation on the hurricane) and Jeff had to win to stay and he almost did but he didn't (if they wanted him there they could have totes given it to him but they chose against it, so its back to Dildo beach Jeff, for better or worse) and Carla and her flat hair won with some oysters and some classy little spicy beignets and Stefan and his pre-made sausages and Fabio and his mostly-italian-instead-of-creole meal were in the bottom too and then Fabio was sent home
• And now-now that he is gone, I really, really don't care anymore.
• It's like "the night the music died" only its "the night the joy tidbits left in top chef died"

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