Brightest Young Things

I actually watched this week's episode of "Top Chef" in 2 parts: first portion, slightly wined up, after a girls' catch up evening, and the second portion, this morning at 7am, slightly drowsy, after sleeping all that wine and fuzzy memories of. So-if I confuse some details, let me know.
This week was all about pigs and pinot and Charlie Palmer though in reality, it was all about Eli and Robin (who, at this point, I am CERTAIN the producers are keeping on since she is literally the only source of any kind of drama in the house).

ANYWHEYS, they all woke up, they were all tired, they all hated Robin and they all went to do their quickfire which was the most blatant marketing scheme of all time and had to do something with pairing a meal with some chips? which are sponsors? Granted, I was 3 or so glasses of wine in, but that just seemed lazy and stupid.
We did though discover that both brother Voltaggio worked under Charlie Palmer and his (creepy?) mustache: Bryan for almost a decade and Michael for a little over a year, but Charlie was quick to point out that he would not be playing any favorites which meant that they were not going to win anything because even if they made the best dishes someone would have called it favoritism.

Now that we had that established, Eli won the quickfire which was not high stakes or anything (I guess the chips people have less money than the Glad family of products) so - you know, who cares?
ONTO BIGGER, BADDER, FATTER THINGS.

It was a pig challenge.
I would like to use this opportunity to say that I personally LOVE PIG.
I mean it is 9am now, and just typing about pork is making me want to eat it before I even get out of bed.
So-I was excited.

Anyway-they all got a different part of the pig to cook: leg, belly, back....and then they all went and got wasted in Charlie's restaurant and selected the Pinots they would be pairing these with, in 130 portions each, at a charity event Charlie holds every year called (bless his heart) "Pigs and Pinot".

The usual happened next: Ash talked about how he has to be more confident and "cook his own food", Mike Isabella led the anti-Robin bully brigade, Eli and Robin got into some sort of a "clean up your mess"/"you are not my mother" altercation, Laryne and Bryan and their Ys were very quiet (though I am starting to wait for the moment when Bryan unleashes his inner beast one of these days and wraps his brother in saran wrap for stealing his burner or something), and Kevin told us he loves pig so much he has a tattoo of one on his arm.

So, you know-we all knew he would win.

The tasting itself was mildly uneventful, in the sense that we all just know who the best people are, and these people have been unflinchingly best in show since the show started. So-Kevin's terrine was praised, Jen's pork belly dish was light and playful, Brothers Voltaggio kicked some Charlie Palmer ass, Robin made a mess of a coffee sauce which everyone hated, Laryne's dish was deemed "cat food like" by Dana Cowan of "Food and Wine" magazine and Ash was well, once again, bland and unremarkable.

There was an adorable bit in the commercial break about Michael and Bryan terrorizing Eli about hitting on Robin and him getting all flustered and almost blushy about it, which was the personal-interest highlight of the week.

At the judges table Toby, again, tried to be witty by comparing armpits to food or something equally disgusting, which has prompted me to dig up this photo of him as punishment and post it:

In the end out of the Jen/Voltaggio/Kevin quartet (which will be in the top 4 as well), Kevin won and it is saying something that neither the audience nor the other contestants have ANYTHING BAD to say about him ever, that's how great this man and his pig tattoo are.

In the bottom we had Laryne, Ash and Robin and while everyone was rooting for Robin's ass to be booted away ("I hope they make the right choice" said Mike Isabella from his reigning chair of assholeness, and no one even blinked), it was Ash who was sent packing.

Which is a shame, since I did kind of like the kid.
He just couldn't fuck with the eagles, as the say.
(Bonus points if you catch that reference real quick)

Next week: Restaurant wars and Robin gets season long immunity. OR SOMETHING.

HOW WAS IT FOR YOU?