Brightest Young Things

I don't know how you feel-but I am SO HAPPY Top Chef is back (and a night before the new "Project Runway", now on Lifetime but still bound to be waaaaaaaaaay more better than that shitty "Fashion show" show). Now I can know that my Wednesday nights are set for life. Sure, I loved "Top Chef Masters" and want to carry Rick Bayless around in my pocket at all times (congratulations Rick, btw, on the victory yesterday), but there is something way more fun about the not-as-seasoned-way-more-hot-tempered-and-vaguely-desperate spirit that the regular "Top Chef" that makes for completely compulisive viewing.

Some quick facts:

• This season happens in Vegas
• They will milk the Vegas angle till the day this show cooks its last bite
• Padma, Tom and Gail are all back (and ready)
• We have lots of DC (and around DC) based people to root for
• The talent roster seems a smidge more impressive then before: James Beard Nominees, Eric Rippert protegees, Published cookbook writers, Michelin star recipients ....
• And its definitely "hipster' Top Chef this season (EVERYONE is tattooed, pierced and hairstyled to the very last inch of themselves, the girls look like (adorable) boys, the boys are sporting potbellies and everyone loves: whiskey, bourbon, scotch and more whiskey.

They all arrive, one of the contestants (Jen) spends a lot of time talking about her son (who is 2 and wants to go to Harvard) and how this competition is not "an opportunity, it is a necessity" and I make a mental not of "Oh, she's gone. Bravo editing, how much do I love your predictable spirit", Bryan and Michael are brothers (thankfully, one has tattooes), the French kid is insisting on wearing a red handkerchief around his neck and you already spot Kevin, the kid that gave up (a full ride to) MIT for cooking, and Jennifer, who is as neurotic as one can get outside of a Woody Allen movie but cooks with Eric Rippert, as the early strong uns.

Then they go to the kitchen, there are showgirls there (this must be at least a little unsanitary), they all pull chips out of a hat to see which team they're on and the Jewish aging punk lady from Seattle gets the gold chip which means no quick fire for her and no elimination risk (not quite sure how I feel about THAT MUCH being placed on luck) and they all proceed to do one of those relay challenges where each person in the group gets to do one of the following: chuck scallops, clean lobsters, cut and clean 2 ribs and something else I am not remembering right now because during that leg no one bled or cried.

It all goes mostly ok, aside from the fact that one team gets the Indian girl to chuck clams and she's never chucked clams (which she tells them) and of course they never get past the clams, and the girl with the Harvard-bound toddler bleeds all over the cutting board.

• The Eric Rippert girl/Baltimore/Frederick represent team comes in first.
• The Mike Isabella team comes in second, and Mike is a little bit of a bitch about it on camera prompting me to get a text message saying "Of course the biggest ahole is from DC".

Then they pit them against each other, to make a dish using the ingredient they cleaned, the Eric Rippert girl takes home 15 000 bucks and stares a deadly stare into the camera and says: "I am here to win it all, every quick fire, every challenge" and I say: "Remind me never to run into her in a dark alley".

The final challenge involves making a meal for the judges AND Wolfgang Puck that showcase "your sin".
(WHICH for about 90% of them turns out to be WHISKEY)
And they're still cooking in the same teams and one person from each team is up to win, and one is up to be eliminated.
Fun, right? Not necessarily the fairest playing field, but fun.
So they set about the kitchen and fry some steak (not a good idea), make some bacon donuts (who wants to to make me some of those?), make some bland curries, and stuff some chilles with some gross fake protein (this being done by the "Must" Girl with wannabe genius toddler who is just adding more and more nails to her coffin as every second goes by), and overcook some chicken, and cook some fish perfectly and 2 hours go by and judges eat the food and Wolfgang Puck is as salty as a salted saltine (and you gots to love him for that) and in the end:

• Mike Isabella (of Zaytinya), The MIT chef Kevin, Jennifer "win it all", and the lovable Haitian dude who loves cowboy hats are in the top 4 with Kevin winning it all for his bright and slow cooked meal based on "procrastination" which is smartly done and well executed (Jennifer WILL kill him in his sleep)

and

• The ponytailed deep fryer of steak from Puerto Rico, the girl from Baltimore who is definitely going to be a crier, Jen, the gross gluten girl and Eve, the bland curry woman are in the bottom 3 with Jen, and her tattoos packing their knives and going home to her son. Tears, etc ensue.

It was a good start. There was laughter, tears, adequate amounts of megalomania and humility on display and frankly, chille aside, no actual disasters so - we should be in for a good season. Plus, the previews show a lot of pool swimming, naked potbellies and crying. I'm all ready.

WHAT DID YOU THINK?