Do you like Pork? Do you hate Moby? We do. Check this out: COCHON 555 WASHINGTON DC: Five Chefs, Five Pigs, Five Winemakers. You finally get your chance to tell Moby what you think of his stupid new book. Talk with your stomachs, kids.
How many pigs, you ask? FIVE pigs. Count them. One, Two, Three, Four, Five PIGS. Each at a hundred and forty pounds. And this event is at the Ritz Carlton, so it aint no joke.
You can get tickets online (details below) but we've got a pair of General Admission tickets for one lucky reader who comes up with a bitchin' Haiku about pork or pig or hog or boar. We asked Bentzen Ball comedian Justin Cousson to get the Haiku-party started. Here's his haiku:
"Forbidden to some
non-Kosher and non-Rasta
but those who dare, win."
So yeah, post a pork-related haiku in the comments section and you might find yourself in Hog Heaven this Sunday night! Bonus points for Moby-hatred haikus.
Details:
A group of chefs will each prepare a 140 pound heritage breed hog from head to toe in this friendly competition for a cause. Guests and professional judges will determine a winner based on presentation, utilization and overall best flavor. The winner will be crowned the "Prince of Porc". In addition, five selected winemakers will showcase their wines. COCHON 555 is a tribute to heritage and heirloom breeds, chefs and winemakers.
Each 140 lb pig can be pre-cooked, braised, grilled, pressed, pickled, rubbed, smoked, seared, sauced, spiced, injected, marinated, cured in any way, or otherwise prepared. Guest of the event will experience the chef creations during the stand-up reception. Chef stations will alternate with winemaker tables. Guests should not arrive late for this event. The event concludes with a whole roasted pig, dessert and award presentation.
FIVE CHEFS:
R.J. COOPER – Vidalia Restaurant
NICHOLAS STEFANELLI – Bibiana
DAVID VARLEY - Bourbon Steak
DAN SINGHOFEN - Eola
JOE PALMA - Westend Bistro
Special Guest Chef:
Victor Albisu – BLT Steak
VIP EXPERIENCE: Start early with an Surf & Turf station with Oysters from Choptank Oyster Company & Whole Foods and then dig into Gryffon's Aerie Devon Steak Tartare prepared by Chef Varley. Sample cured meats from The Belmont Butchery and enjoy the reserve wine tasting from Silver Oak Cellars, Blenheim Vineyards, Anderson's Conn Valley and Donkey and Goat Winery. Cowgirl Creamery will present an artisan cheese installation along side savory cocktails by Daniel Hyatt Alembic SF and craft brews from Heavy Seas Beer. Best of all, guests can meat and greet with the chefs, winemakers and judges of COCHON555. (VIP begins at 3:30pm).
GENERAL ADMISSION: Guests will witness a whole pig butcher demonstration by Ryan Farr with commentary from Bev Eggleston while consuming over 750lbs of swine, great wines and craft brews. The competition is followed by a whole roasted pig from Victor Albisu of BLT Steak and a pig perfect dessert. This is a full day of new and old relationships, great chefs, swine, wine and we look forward to sharing it with you. (General Admission begins at 5pm)
WHY: To promote heritage pigs and breed diversity in local and national communities.
LOCATION: Ritz-Carlton Washington DC, 1150 22nd Street, N.W., Washington, D.C. 20037
Details are listed on FaceBook. Invite your friends.
http://tinyurl.com/wash555
DISCOUNT CODES:
$25 OFF: farmfresh
BUY TICKETS: http://www.cochon555.com
Haiku away. Leave your name! Bentzen Ball favorite and BYT contributor Seaton Smith will be judging the contest. He'll be at the event, too, so you'll get to hang with him while he stuffs his face with meat.
Previously in I Heart DC:
- 2/10: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use
- 2/9: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use
- 2/8: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use
- 2/8: Perfect Date Outfits + Outings
- 2/7: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use
- 2/6: DC News You Can Maybe Use:
- 2/2: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use:
- 2/1: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use:
- 1/31: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use
- 1/30: DC News You Can (Maybe) Use
God loves a cheerful giver.
Hail, the mighty hog!
God's sole gift to my belly
Omnivorous love
pig's feet for breakfast
just may cause diarrhea
but it's well worth it
kosher people judge
adam removed rib to pork
kevin bacon links
Bacon wrapped chicken
Wrong in so so many ways
Well really just two
smile orgasmic swine
your pink skin and keen wit makes
a bittersweet meal
Pork, bacon, ribs, chops
Sausage, ham, brats, hocks and dogs
Magical creature
Who cares about him
Moby is irrelevant
Pigs have spiral dicks
Some people believe
that God cares about pig meat
I mean, what the fuck?
Who cares about him
Jesus is irrelevant
Pigs have corkscrew vag
Smug little vegan
Making shitty techno songs
We should eat your corpse
Poor Pig, so sad
Knows how delicious he is
Makes friend with a whale.
A movable feast
Two hundred pounds carved up
On sunday's table
Whole pig in my house
Curing as I type this out.
Give me V.I.P.
From the crispy skin
through the loin down to the toes
Porcine Heaven Grows
Also this is my arm:
raised jewish kosher
bacon churns my tummy quick
i prefer a steak
missed buenos aires
so i made a choripan.
it was not the same.
Hey, T. Justice, you should email the event staff and see if they'll hook you up with a V.I.P. pass just on the basis of that tattoo! Also, you can enter this contest as many times as you want...
lots of dripping grease
pork chops smothered in bacon
moby is crying
The question is this:
"Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?"
Answer: no protein
Jules didn't eat pork
Neither does little Moby
Jules killed people though
Please slip your spiral
tail deep in me like you did
with dearest Moby
New York, saw a sign
Pigs chopped up in warehouse
Coming to DC? Yes!
I know a website
where a pig fucks two women
spiral dick and all.
a daydream of chops
of tenderloins, roast and ham
succulent? heck yeah.
a delicious pig
making me to salivate
i eat you up now
Bacon Ham Pork Chops
One "Magical Animal"
Homer S. was right.
Swine and dine
with notorious P.I.G.
Pig out cochon style!
my butcher divine
slaughters and chops, elbows greased
in gory apron
and let's get down on moby for a second:
dilettante vegan
your rants do not anger me
choose peace, love and pork
Salty juices run
On my face they wildly spray
Just pork in my mouth
Lipstick on a pig?
It doesn't matter to me
Get in my belly!
Vegetarian?
Two arguments against it
Proscittuo, red wine
Fer-ga-li-ci-ous
Piggy oh so delicious
Pig-a-li-ci-ous!
Babe, Olivia
Wilbur, Old Major, Piglet
I devour them all
ha i dont eat pork
i am part of the problem
maybe i should try
Pig in a blanket
wrapped around a little one
makes my tummy hum.
Oh Porcine Delight
Five of you I'll eat one night
Cholesterol spike
Moby is a twit
Non-pork eating stupid git
Drink some bacon tea
Piggy, love your chubby cheeks
Guanciale, braised, slow roasted
Your face melts in my mouth
Piggy, love your chubby cheeks
Guanciale, braised, slow roasted
Your face melts in my mouth, yum
Moby denies pork --
Happy as a pig in mud?
Prickly porcupine?
Can't decide what to
Eat. Waiting for Fatboy Slim
To weigh in on it.
What's Hedonism?
Rock and Roll? Cocaine? Fucking?
No, simply bacon.
Truthfully speaking
There are no pigs in japan
Get lost baldilocks
here we are now going to the south side
what does that even mean?
gwen and gavin eat pork on the reg
Sepie = Haiku Fail.
Didn't you go to Elementary School?
I can't imagine
split pea soup without a pig
It tastes rather bland
Who meat belongs to:
who slaughtered or raised or bred
who ate or who fed
Christina Ricci
A pig in Penelope
Moby dated her
Bacon is merely the road...
(Moby is a dick)
...Nirvana is Crispy Skin.
@Jeff - piss off
bacon, real bacon
I drool for you like a dog
Pavlov's hungry too
pork the other white meat
Oo, and it tastes so good
Pork the other white meat
it tastes just like it should
pork the other white meat
just taste it if you could
Pork the other white meat
Oo, and it tastes so good
Pork the other white meat
Come on, come eat it
Pork the other white meat
Ooh
Pork the other white meat
Yeah!
Pork is great!
On the other hand:
I would eat Moby
spit-roasted flesh, piping hot
tasty vegan food
Who does not eat meat? / Moby and them muslim terrorists / Don't let the fucks win.
Prancing through the Ritz
unaware of what's to come.
Sigh. That will do, pig.
Ribs, ham, bacon, chops
That'll do pig, that'll do
Apologies Babe.
oh chubby piglet
soon you will rest inside me
then you will be poop
In lieu of a haiku, I offer this cinquain:
Pork
Rich, marbled
Smoking, braising, curing
Domestication; man's greatest work?
Indulgence
From Vince Sheuerman:
A forbidden fruit
Salty flavor in your mouth
No, it's pork I speak of
If you don't eat pork,
Then the terrorists have won.
Nine-eleven, bitch.
Richard Mellville Hall
Loves Jesus Christ Not the Jews
But doesn't eat pork?
bacon is my steez
pulled pork sandwiches are tight
moby is a douche
Pigs are cannibals;
Eat them or be eaten up.
It's Darwinism.
Salt cured sausage meat
trotters makes me wanna shoop
hardcore pig boners
If pigs had any sense
They'd build their houses of brick
Hungry like a wolf?
Possesses split hooves
From its flesh you may not eat
Does not bring up cud
Every night I dream
Of bacon pork and sausage
Moby is a tool
Used to want a pig
Now I just want to eat them
I am so hungry
Piggies in D.C
The thought brings salivation
What an ideal night
hairless split-hooved swines
testeless dj, tasty mammel
choose other white meat
Haven’t eaten meat
in 3 yrs, Moby makes me
want to gorge on pig
Only those who have
killed something should eat the meat
know where it comes from
crap i am dyslexic
Pig fat rules the world
Salivating slave to pork
Your meat controls me
Must stop Pancake Man
He would outlaw our bacon
Veg apocalypse!
I can't speak for Moby
But my favorite pig of all
Is the one I eat
bacon in a pan
Makes mobys music sound lame
oh wait, he did that
Bacon, ham, sausage
Is constantly in my gut
I am a fat guy
porchetta delight
boneless, sewn shut snout-to-tail
juicy bites within!
B - A -C - O - N
Perfection South of Heaven
Belly of the Beast
"Weapons in hand as
we..." Oh, who am I kidding?
I'm such a pussy.
Go suck Moby dick.
Swallow the allegory.
Read. My. Pork. Stained. Lips.
Ban bacon, Baldie?
Ah-Ah. That’s when I reach
For MY revolver.
If you don't eat meat,
Swine King will torture you with:
Moby on repeat
Has the winner been chosen yet? Who's the lucky winner?
Imma gonna eat
Shitloads of succulent pork
You stupid bald fuck
It has been narrowed down to three. A winner will be chosen tomorrow morning.
Who won
pig’s feet for breakfast
just may cause diarrhea
but it’s well worth it
Veg eating girlfriend
Enticed with crispy bacon
Now I call her wife