Brightest Young Things

 It’s no big revelation that things aren’t going all that well these days, what with a massive economic downturn, two wars, terrorists trying to kill us, and an impending global environmental disaster. Then there are the less obvious things, like this headline from a few months back: “Abandoned Baby Whale Is Euthanized” – holy shit, I had no idea the whale population was grappling with these kinds of social issues.

While there is undoubtedly some heavy shit going down in the world, I think solutions to a couple major problems are a lot easier to come by than those Negative Nelly’s would have us believe, and not surprisingly they involve peanut butter.

Take the economy for starters. It is widely argued that Americans have been living beyond their means for a long time, and the current downturn will necessitate a degree of personal austerity that has the potential to really suck. How can we achieve that austerity while minimizing suckiness? Some of our brightest economic minds have recommended increased peanut butter consumption as a means for improving our financial situation.

It makes sense: peanut butter can be bought in bulk without fear of it going bad. A dollar spent on peanut butter is probably the most efficient food-dollar purchase one can make. Add to the equation the fact that peanut butter is extremely delicious, such that the marginal utility derived from a spoonful of peanut butter is indefinitely positive, and I could even foresee an economic model that predicts a rational agent eat peanut butter exclusively once his or her income drops below a certain level. (I’ll try to flesh out this theory over the weekend.)  

Adjustments at the micro level are just one part of the equation of course. It seems pretty obvious that some major structural shifts in the economy are going to be necessary over the next decade, and one of them has the do with our energy sources. Simply put, we are wasting money on inefficient energy sources that are also harmful to the environment. Unfortunately, overhauling our energy matrix to encourage the use of environmental friendly energy sources would require a huge investment – at precisely the time when we as a nation cannot afford it.

But what if everyone started eating peanut butter? As it turns out, a peanut butter-intensive diet would not only help individuals and families make ends meet, it would also lead us towards more sustainable energy consumption on the national level. According to the good people at the PB&J campaign, every time a person eats a peanut butter sandwich instead of a meat-based lunch or dinner, his or her carbon footprint is reduced by 2 – 2.5 lbs. Substitute PB for red meat, and the figure is closer to 3.5, which is about half the amount of carbon emissions you’d save daily by driving a hybrid instead of a regular car.

Crunching some numbers here (peanut butter pun intended), I’ve come up with the following: A 40 oz. container of JIF runs about $4.99 if you do some hunting, and it provides enough peanut butter for around 30 sandwiches. That’s a month’s worth of lunch for 5 dollars. How does that compare to another lunch staple, the turkey sandwich? Let’s say you’re getting a pound of turkey for 5 dollars (I’m skewing these figures against the peanut butter argument here). Maybe you squeeze a week of sandwiches out of that. Assuming jelly and cheese expenses more or less cancel each other out (again, I’m being generous to the turkey people), you’re saving at least 15 bucks a week by going with PB even over a humble home-made turkey and cheese – imagine if you’d been going to Potbelly for crying out loud – plus you get to eat PB&J for lunch every day. 

 Sound too good to be true? Wait, it gets better because we haven’t factored in your carbons emissions savings. At 2 lbs saved per every PB-turkey substitution, that’s 60 lbs of carbon. Wow. I’m impressed. By simply eating peanut butter you can simultaneously improve your personal financial situation (and, depending on whether you save or spend your peanut butter windfall either increase our national savings rate or give the economy a short-term boost) and help reduce carbon dioxide emissions without reverting to costly new government spending.

Could peanut butter be the solution to all our country’s problems? If so, it wouldn’t be the first time that PB has led the way to a brighter future. According to peanut butter historian and former president of the Peanut Advisory Board Mitch Head, America has peanut butter to thank for its post-WWII successes: “The Government provided peanut butter to the G.I.’s, they came home with a taste for it and started the baby boom,” he told the New York Times in 1990.

Works for me. The road to future prosperity is spread thick with peanut butter, my friends. Grab a spoon and dig in!

Previously in Misc/Awesome:

• 12/28: Terrible Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Generator.
• 12/1: The John Waters Advent Calendar-it starts today
• 11/28: It Chooses You: All I Want for Christmas is Everything from Miranda July's Pop-Up Shop
• 11/3: Things I'd Move to Minnesota For
• 9/6: PHOTOS: Maloof $$ Money Cup
• 9/2: PHOTOS: Chantilly Model Train Show
• 9/1: Libby's List: 5 Things I Want Right Now...
• 8/22: PHOTOS: Best Friends Day
• 8/10: PHOTOS: Lawn Mover Racing, Eastern Seaboard Regionals @ Bowles Farm
• 7/26: Special List: Things the BYGays Want Now That We Can Marry In DC (and NY!)