as written and submitted to us by Middle Distance Runner:
Dear friends,
During the recording of our forthcoming EP (coming out Saturday at the Black Cat), in the DOG days of summer, the heat and stress are sometimes too much to bear. In between laying down sweet licks, punishing riffs, and triumphant vocals, we watch a lot of the Food Network. It was during one of these TV breaks that we saw a program devoted solely to region-specific varieties of the hot dog from around the U.S.
We decided that the best way to emotionally ground ourselves is to enjoy 5 days of hot dogs, during which we only eat once a day, our one meal consisting of a hot dog in the style of a particular region.
To let you in on the fun, we’re going to post a blog each day this week with a description of the dog, a review by Allan, Steve, and a special DC musician guest, and hopefully a nauseating picture of us eating the dogs.
Let’s proceed…
Day 1
The Dog: “Rutt’s Hut Dog”
The Venue: Rutt’s Hut
The Region: Clifton, New Jersey
The Specs: A deep-fried dog with spicy brown mustard, Rutt’s Relish (onions, finely chopped carrots, cabbage and mustard) and chopped onions.
The Guest: Arash Ardalan of Telograph
Recounts:
Arash
10:42 AM
I receive an email from Iron Chef Chappelear inviting myself to a feast of massive proportions. A week long festival celebrating the Hot Dog. 5 nights, 5 different hot dogs and I am honored and excited to be a part of tonight’s selected speciality, the Rutt’s Hutt, a deep-fried New Jersey-style delicacy.
9:04 PM
I arrive at the House of Middle Distance Runner. I’m greeted by Steve and am escorted to the kitchen where Allan, striped wife beater and all, is beginning to deep-fry the dogs in a large vat of oil. Fast forward to about 10 minutes later and the dogs are ready for consumption. The dogs come out looking like the ones that end up getting left on the grill at a BBQ and eventually shrivel up and harden, but this in no way disheartens my desire to try one. Allan and Steve have prepared the speciality topping for these dogs, Rutt’s Relish, a combination of onions, finely chopped carrots, cabbage, and mustard. I grab two buns, get myself two hot dogs and apply the speciality relish and some spicy brown mustard on each. I grab a beer and off I go. Heaven. These things were fantastic, the hot dog casing was hardened from the frying process but the overall taste of the dog with the relish was really delicious. I quickly finish my two dogs and go back to the kitchen for another, just like the fat kid would but I don’t care, this dog is just too good to let sit around.
10:37 PM
The dogs are down and I am relaxing on the couch. Everyone involved in this festivity is commenting on the greatness of this food and how celebrating it for one week is a brilliant idea. We are drinking heavily and listening to Iron Maiden records and just enjoying ourselves. Then the doorbell rings and Steve goes to answer it. He walks back into where we are sitting and he’s with 2 girls with huge boobies and really nice butts. They get naked, we get naked and we touch each other for like 20 minutes. I orgasm and then have a cigarrette, which makes me have to poop really bad. I go to the bathroom and poop comes out. I wipe, clean my hands and walk back out. Everyone is now gone except for me, the two girls, and Dennis Haskins (Mr. Belding from NBC’s hit sitcom “Saved by the Bell”). He snuck in earlier because he’s friends with me from before. I play the touching game “Upstairs/Downstairs” with the two girls and Dennis goes home because he’s mad at me because I won’t share. Girls don’t want to see gray pubes, it’s not my fault. I orgasm and then go home and ponder on this wonderful evening.
Man, those were some really good dogs. Thanks Allan and Steve, you’re the best.
Steve
Decadence. Pure evil in hot dog form. To eat this, you have to say to yourself, “Being unhealthy isn’t enough of a thrill anymore. I have to cheat death.” This is a deep-fried hot dog.
Surprisingly, the frying seemed to detract from the natural juiciness of the dog. The casing had a bit of a snap to it, but the subsequent explosion of flavor was diminished by the deep-fry. A bit disappointing. The spicy brown mustard and Rutt’s Relish (containing yellow mustard) added some kick to the dog, but without the full strength of the meat juice at its base, this dog was little more than a well-adorned concept.
This, of course, didn’t stop me from eating three. Then I got drunk. Iron Maiden never sounded so good.
Allan
I thought that deep frying a hot dog sounded like the most ridiculously awesome idea ever and wondered why I had never though of it. During my research, this was definitely
the one I was anticipating the most. I have to admit it was a bit of a chore getting these things to burst open like they are supposed to but I blame the fact that I had to fake the hot dog itself and go with an all beef instead of 60/40 beef/pork with corn meal filler.
Anyways it was a decent hot dog - made me feel like shit after I ate it and gave me a headache - which means success.
Then all that other stuff happened and we quickly forgot about the hot dogs and moved on to the sex and heavy metal.
Final Verdict
Earthquake.
This dog was unnaturally heavy without being terribly impressive. While its character was extreme to the point of being simultaneously hilarious and terrifying, it came off a little gimmicky and thus, not very substantive.
ugh. try harder byt.
October 15, 2007 at 2:52 pmMy friend from LA texted me a while back with “Mr. Belding and Screech are having sushi together at the table next to me” I just thought it was cool they they hung out like that.
October 15, 2007 at 2:52 pmA lot of adult acne goin on here
October 16, 2007 at 1:00 pm
boys are gross.
October 15, 2007 at 1:54 pm