Brightest Young Things

Since the new Rita's in Chinatown is giving away free frozen sugar water till Friday, here is a rerun of our complete guide to everything Rita's from last Spring, plus last Summer's flavor update, so you can optimize on your free summer snack enjoyment:

Rita's Italian Ice (or Rita's Water Ice depending on where you live) has been opening stores like gangbusters in the DC/VA/MD area in the past year. They serve up both italian ice and custard, or the surprisingly effective combination of them both. I recently treated my Rita's-virgin intern to the unfortunately named mango/vanilla Blendini. What I consider to be the best item on the menu, this majestic treat consists of mango italian ice, vanilla custard, and Nilla (Nilla!!) wafer bits lightly swirled together. After consuming this he turned to me and said "This is the best thing that happened to me all summer".

For the first day of Spring (today!) Rita's is offerring a free 10 oz. cup of Italian Ice from approx noon-9pm. Nearby locations listed below.

Here's a little guide to the menu.

Italian Ice - This is the only item Rita sold when they first opened. It's very smooth, not like that shit you buy in the frozen section of the grocery store. It's fantastic, and still holds up great on it's own, even though they have introduced a number of new ways to eat it (see below). Here is the flavor breakdown, some of these they call "Cream Ice" cause it has a slightly more ice cream texture to it, but whatever, it's all the same:

The best flavor, hands down: Mango

The classics: Lemonade, Strawberry, Cherry, Raspberry

Also really good: Passion Fruit, Pina Colada, Root Beer, Raspberry Lemonade, Kiwi-Strawberry, Cappuccino Cream, Fudge Brownie

Not as good as you would think: Grape, Banana, Black Cherry, Cookies n Cream, Cookie Dough n Cream, Vanilla Chip

Better than you would think: Chocolate, Blueberry, Watermelon, Mint Chocolate Chip, Pistachio

I can't remember the different between these, I think one is good and the other is mediocre: Banana Split Cream, Berry Banana Cream

Only good in small amounts: Green Apple, Coconut Cream

Fucking gross: Vanilla

Useless, cause mango is better: Tangerine, Orange Cream

Mystery combo fruit concoctions that I can't really distinguish between, but they're all pretty good: Wild Berry, Citrus Blast, Tropical Punch, Island Fusion, Twisted Melon

FLAVOR UPDATE: I just got back from getting my free ice and today they also introduced a new flavor, Birthday Cake Cream Ice! Unfortunately it is Shasta McNasty. Almost as bad as Vanilla. Watch out!

There are also some sugar-free versions of the above flavors, but only assholes get those.

Custard: Rita's then introduced custard into the menu, at first chocolate and vanilla, and then strawberry and cappuccino. It's really really good. I mean, really really good, but, it's the same assholes that get the sugar-free ice that get the custard plain. The key is to mix it with the right italian ice flavor in one of these various forms:

Gelati: This is a layer of custard, followed by a layer of ice, with a swirl of custard on the top for good measure. It's heavenly, and the flavor combos are endless. This is the preferred method of eating: enjoy a little custard from the top by itself, then enjoy some of it combined with the ice, then eat a little ice plain once the custard is gone, then crazily stir the rest together into a frothy Jesus cum. It was really the only reason to go to Rita's until they recenlt added a slight upgrade model...

Blendini: Same as a Gelati but they add either Oreo or Nilla wafer bits and stir it up. They don't blend it, it's more like a twist, so you get tracks of custard and tracks of ice. It's pretty special. McFlurry doesn't stand a chance. Sometimes you'll want that hard separation in the Gelati, but most of the time you'll find yourself going for the Blendini. Caveat: it's embarrassing to order/say. Apparently the initial marketing push involved a magician. Cringe.

Misto: Melted custard, italian ice, blender. You drink it with a straw. Although I've found some who disagree with me, I think it should only be purchased if you're on the go, the Gelati and Blendini are better. Also, if you get a large sized one and drink the whole thing you're just gross.

Ritaccino: This is a new treat just added a few weeks ago. It's good for a few bites then you want to throw up. I'd stay away. A deadly concoction of coffee and ice and custard. It's too much. And it uses that vanilla italian ice as one of the ingredients and there is nothing good about that.

Summer Flavor Update!

3 new flavors have been introduced, the first was Sweet Tea. Now I have this theory that you had to grow up drinking iced tea as a child to really enjoy it. You can't just become a tea drinker later in life. I don't know why, but my mom just didn't whip out the iced tea during the summers. I've tried to become a tea drinker for years, and it just doesn't do it for me. It's not bad, but I'm just not excited about it. So the sweet tea ice was about the same. I had someone who was a big ice tea drinker and he assured me it was awesome and that I was retarded. Seems to go well with raspberry and lemonade. A biased 2 out of 5 stars.

Here is me 6 months ago: Dear baby Jesus, please please make peach flavored Rita's. Seriously.
And now we get Georgia Peach. I'm going to give myself all the credit. It's phenomenal. Up there with the best fruit flavors. I'd suggest going with a gelati over a Blendini though, the vanilla custard peach combo is good, but the separation is preferred. 5 out of 5 stars.

Oh, such sweet, juicy joyfulness indeed! Much like Shorts IIIII.

And finally on July 4th we got Key Lime. Sounds nasty-bo-jasty, but it's actually not half bad. Goes well with vanilla custard. 4 out of 5 stars.

Coming in August: Cotton Candy
and in the Fall: Pumpkin

I'm designating pumpkin as as hi-pot flavor (that's short for high-potential). Imagine a pumpkin ice vanilla custard blendini with nilla wafer bits simulating a pumpkin pie. Just imagine it! Cotton Candy on the other hand will most likely be too artificial tasting to be a strong contender (think Birthday Cake), but it could be a surprise hit like Key Lime.

FLAVOR UPDATE: I was right.

Hot Summer Tip: Pick up a party bucket of Passion Fruit and mix in some rum for your next pool-side get together!

Find your closest Rita's here:
http://www.ritasice.com/find-a-ritas/search-by-zip-code.aspx

All images from: http://www.ritasice.com/, even this one: