Disturbed by the title? Afraid this column has been hijacked by those who would ruin perfectly good cocktails in the name of price margins and appealing to the unrefined palates generally found at your corner TGI Friday’s? Yeah, me too, but no worries. I’m not jumping the shark just yet and featuring shitty drinks like a Bananaberry Woo Woo or Lobsterita. I recently found this in Self magazine as I waited for a haircut at Bang and actually found it interesting. It just needed one thing: more alcohol. First I’ll show you the recipe, and then my special, high-octane variation. Just what we need to get us in the Christmas spirit on a cold and crappy day.

Peppermint Cosmo (from Self)

• 1 cup pomegranate juice
• Juice of 1 lime
• 4 oz vodka
• 1/4 teaspoon peppermint extract
• 8 ice cubes
• 8 mini candy canes
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh mint

Combine juices, vodka, peppermint and 1/2 cup water in a shaker with ice. Shake vigorously and strain into 8 shot glasses. Garnish with candy canes and mint.

Why did I select this, and why is it even featured in Self? This cocktail has only 70 calories. Most cocktails this season are easily 200+, and that’s not even considering eggnog. A Gin and Tonic is roughly 200. Cape Cod/Vodka Cranberry? 240 calories. Every shot of liquor is roughly 100 calories apiece. Sorry to be a downer, but after consuming one drink a day this year I started looking pretty intently at calorie counts and tried to find beverages I could consume on my “off” time that wouldn’t be so calorie-laden. This one is good, don’t get me wrong…even if it is from Self.

But here’s my variation that adds more alcohol and throws calorie counts out the window. Featuring your grandmother’s favorite drink to nip when you’re not looking: schnapps.

• Same ingredients as before, but substitute the peppermint extract for2 oz peppermint schnapps.

Combine everything but the garnishes, shake and strain. I chose to make these into martini glasses rather than shot glasses…just a wee bit classier. Just a bit. This adds more calories, more booze, and more peppermint which is fine by me on all counts.