All photos: Dakota Fine
Full set: http://www.flickr.com/photos/dakotafine/sets/72157605513654035/

Also Alyssa took some awesome ones here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/youbebetty/sets/72157605455434000/

The 6th Annual US Air Guitar Championships regional competition took place at the 9:30 Club last Wed, making it the second year DC has hosted the event. If you missed last year’s coverage be sure to check it out here.

Bjorn Turoqe, the self-declared ambassador of Air Guitar, once again hosted, and did a fine job of it. The rules:

Round 1, each contestant plays air guitar for 60 seconds to a song of their choosing. The top 5 then move on to Round 2, where they will have to improv to an unknown song (which in this case was Motörhead’s “Ace of Spades”). The winner moves on to San Fran to compete in the US championship.

Everyone is rated on technical merit, stage presence, and “airness”, which is defined as ‘the extent to which a performance transcends the imitation and becomes an art form in and of itself’. Sure, it’s meant to be tongue in cheek, but there was some serious chills-up-the-spine-jaw-agape airness going on this year. No joke.

We met backstage with a number of contestants before the show for some quick interviews…

The Fro

BYT: Hi, and you are?

Chris: Chris

BYT: I don’t care about your real name.

The Fro: The Fro

BYT: What song are we doing tonight?

The Fro: Crazy Train

BYT: What was your runner up song?

The Fro: Well you know Buffy The Vampire Slayer? Well the theme song is great, I hacked it up in…

I zone out.

BYT: Is your fro going to be used in any way during the performance?

The Fro: He’s not, I don’t want to risk pulling him off or anything

BYT: Dude, you gotta pull a pick out of it or something

The Fro: No, check it, I have my pick holster right here

At this point The Fro pulls one of his picks, complete with official The Fro logo and URL, out of this little clip attached to his glove. This is a lot of effort for Air Guitar. I start to feel a bit weirded out. Dakota snaps away.

BYT: Make sure you get a shot of his massive package.

The Fro: It’s a cup.

Weird.

BYT: Where are you from?

The Fro: Columbia, SC.

Weird.

Fender Splendor

BYT: You look familiar…

FS: Yeah, I competed last year.

BYT: Oh right, you did that medleywith Beat It and Daft Punk’s Aerodynamic.

FS: Yeah, it didn’t go over well.

BYT: Dude, you were robbed, that was a great performance. What have you learned from last year?

FS: Confidence. And I’m not as worried about winning.

BYT: Good luck buddy.

BYT: Glitzkrieg! Welcome back. What are you performing this year?

G: You see, what I realize eez theez people, zay only like there own music you see, the American rock and roll music, I am breenging sometheen you vould here in zee redneck bars ya?

BYT: But you’re not going to tell us?

G: No, all I vill say eez you will recognize eet if you ever go to zee frat party or zomething like that. They are going to fucking love it. Fucking love it.

Rufus Van Wailin’

BYT: Ginger Kid?

RVW: Yes, I was Ginger Kid last year, but I’m trying to get as far away from that as possible. My heart is in glam rock. I’m going back in the day, and going back to a little Chuck Berry.

BYT: I normally don’t associate Chuck Berry with glam rock.

RVW: (Ignoring me)Well you know what, my favorite band is Van Halen and my favorite movie is Bill and Ted, so I’m putting those together and am now going as Rufus Van Wailin’.

BYT: Very clever.

RVW: You know what, this is about going out there, blowing people’s minds, and bringing about world peace the only way I know how, with my air axe.

BYT: Easy partner.

The Masturbating Booger

MB: Cale!

BYT: Masturbating Booger! I have to say, your performance last year left a little to be desired.

MB: It did.

BYT: Are you ashamed? You should be ashamed.

MB: No, I’m not ashamed. It was a difficult time for me. I had just gotten back from Vegas, I was in this mode of getting wasted all the time, I see all this free booze, and I’m Jewish, and I take advantage of it. I drink too much. When I got on stage I was in shock. I didn’t realize they started the music when they did, it threw me off and I just tried to overcompensate with everything that was going on.

BYT: You know what I think your problem was, you tried to overcompensate, but like, not enough. Like if you would have pissed yourself, it would have gone so far overboard that it would have gone back to being good again, instead of just totally sucking, you know?

MB: Right. I should piss myself.

BYT: Do you have someone managing you this year, you know, keeping the drinking under control?

MB: Well there is no Jack this year, so I think we’ll be ok.

Kidd Supreme

BYT: I’m not sure I understand the outfit.

KS: It’s 1986

BYT: Ok. So the song you’re doing is from 1986?

KS: Um, no, it’s from the late 70’s.

G-String

BYT: You’re a girl.

GS: …

BYT: First time competing?

GS: Yes, I saw the competition last year and was inspired.

BYT: How have you been training?

GS: I don’t know if I’m allowed to say this, but, Guitar Hero.

BYT: What level?

GS: Hard

BYT: Dakota, this chick plays Guitar Hero on Hard.

The Reverend Rock

BYT: What song are you doing tonight?

RR: Hammerfall.

BYT: So Hammerfall was your choice from the beginning, no question?

RR: No, there were lots of questions, I just chose Hammerfall on the car ride over.

BYT: So you’re just gonna wing it?

RR: Total wing.

BYT: Nice. Now I know a lot of guys here have spent a year perfecting specific moves and what not, do you think that puts you at a disadvantage?

RR: Well, I’m not really here to win, I’m here to rock.

BYT: Here to rock and here for the backstage bettys?

RR: Well…

we look around

BYT: All one of them.

Dirk Smathers… The Master

BYT: Dirk Smathers, welcome back.

DS: Actually this year it is Dirk Smathers dot dot dot The Master. My hope is that if the crowd can handle the fear, I will release the rock upon them.

BYT: You do that.

Six String General

BYT: What lessons have you learned from last year? Have you changed the act up a little bit?

SSG: I’ve tightened it up, more energy, I’m a well oiled machine this year. Pretty much the day after last years competition I’ve been thinking about this year.

BYT: That’s kind of sad.

SSG: Or awesome.

Dixie

BYT: Awesome shirt. First time competing?

D: Yes sir

BYT: Did you see the competition last year?

D: Yes sir.

BYT: What are you going to bring to the table compared to some of the people that are coming back for a second time?

D: I’m bringing Turkey. Some mashed potatoes. And I already put my dick in them. It’s that kind of party.

BYT: A little gravy?

D: A little man gravy.

BYT: Well done.

The show began with an opening act - Tragedy: A Metal Tribute To The Bee Gees. Entertaining stage banter, weird porno goth stage antics, lion tamer outfits, a 2 min freeze frame pose at the end of You Should Be Dancing, ball sack maracas, a gong, etc. Sure they went on a little too long, and the one guy was trying too hard, but still, a perfect opener for Air Guitar.

Bjorn Turoqe took the stage to chat up the crowd and start things off with a little Black Sabbath air guitar, enlisting an air bassist and drummer from the audience.

“If you’re holding an air guitar, you cannot be holding a gun. It’s great to look out and see a full house waiting to see nothing.”

Local DC band Army of Me judged last years competition, and they were god awful. I love you guys, but seriously, you were terrible, terrible judges. This year was a step up, a music critic from the Onion, XMU DJ Billy Zero, and Wash Post entertainment editor Fiona, and I think they did a fine job.

Every contestant is rated on a 6.0 scale. A few highlights:

First up Dirk Smathers. Great pants. Underwear thrown on stage. Asked for back after performance.

Score: 4.9, 4.8, 4.9
“Prolonged epileptic seizures does not a rocking make”

Johnny Dangerously. I think he was stoned. Half-assed Michael Jackson moves.

Score: 4.7, 5.3, 5.0

Six String General. Had an air roadie in uniform as well. Performed Panama and it was awesome.

Score: 5.6, 5.7, 5.5

Glitzkrieg. Performed Don’t Stop Believing. Missed a few notes and should have talked more before and after as that is the best part of his act, but still a good showing. More glitter next year.

Score: 5.2, 5.6, 5.7

The Masturbating Booger. Not as drunk as last year. Stage dove. Nobody even tried to catch him.

Score: 5.0, 4.6, 4.7

Ed Banger. No gimmick, pure rock. Another excellent performance. One of the best technical performers out there.

Score: 5.8, 5.7, 5.2

The Reverend Rock. An embarrassment.

Score: 4.1, 4.6, 4.7

Dixie. Performed some Steve Vai. The outfit was brilliant, needs to work on the airness.

Score: 5.4, 5.3, 5.2

Hot Lixx Hulihan. Former US Champion, drove down from NYC. Performed The Gentle Art of Making Enemies, one of my all time fav Faith No More tunes and totally nailed it. Crowd went crazy. Perfect airness.

Score: 5.9, 5.6, 5.8

Fender Splendor. Excellent performance with break away clothing. Watch out ladies! (or dudes)

Score: 5.7, 5.9, 5.9

Croation Sensation. Weak.

Score: 5.5, 5.3, 5.5

Kidd Supreme. Obviously gone beyond the 3 beer rule. Low energy despite these awesome pics.

Score: 4.3, 4.5, 4.1

The Shred. Last years DC winner. Old as shit. Total bad ass. Turned on his air amp. Commanded it. The man is an inspiration. Had his own teenage groupies in the front row: The Lil Shreddies

Score: 6.0, 5.6, 5.8

Didn’t catch this guys name. Performed Journey’s Separate Ways. Not bad. Had some chick rub peanut butter all over him for some reason. Seemed like he would be creepy in real life.

Score: 5.6, 5.5, 5.6

G-String. Flexible. Pulled some nice moves. But I’m sorry, girls just look awkward playing air guitar.

Score: 5.5, 5.4, 5.4

Rufus Van Wailin’. Better than last year as The Ginger Kid, but not great.

Score: 5.0, 5.3, 5.3

The Fro. Amazing performance. Looked like CGI Spider-Man special effects going on.

Score: 5.8, 5.8, 5.8

Shreddy Boop. Another girl. Felt a little calculated/deliberate. Nice robot move at the end tho. Judges/crowd were a bit too harsh.

Score: 4.9, 4.3, 4.5

It was now time for the judges to calculate the top 5. Which for some reason took forever. People started to get bored and empty out.

Finally Bjorn came back and announced the winners. One was T Slaypool (or something like that) who is this guy:

Now we didn’t get any pics of him performing but he was awesome. But then he came out to the winners circle wearing khaki cargo shorts, mandals, a braided belt, and a wigless bald head. Apparently he was in the middle of a costume change or something, but nobody could even recognize him. It was hilarious and disturbing. Anyway, the other winners were Fender Splendor, Hot Lixx, The Shred, and The Fro. They heard the compulsory song, and then came out one by one to perform. Slaypool first.

Sadly his second performance suffered. Perhaps our mind had been tainted by his awful casual Friday wear a few min earlier.

Score: 5.3, 5.3, 5.2

Next came Hot Lixx Hollihan. The music started. The man climbed the speaker stack, wailed above the crowd, jumped from the balcony, did a roll, popped up and didn’t miss a beat. Then at the last note of the song he kicked somebodys drink out of their hand in the front row. There was stunned silence and then an eruption from the crowd. It was truly epic.

Score: 6.0, 6.0, 6.0

The Fro now had an impossible act to follow. He lost his fro during his first flip and never quite recovered.

Score: 5.6, 5.5, 5.5

The Shred was back on stage and quickly attempted a Hot Lixx speaker climb, the only way to prove that this old rocker could still compete with the youngins. A wave of fear rushed over the audience as we collectively thought this was going to end badly. But he pulled it off. Well almost. An ankle injury sustained on landing hampered the rest of the performance. But you gotta give the man credit for trying. And the judges did.

Score: 5.8, 5.7, 5.7

Finally Fender Splendor came back on and killed it. Power slide, acrobatics off the speakers, underpants, etc. Not enough to beat Hot Lixx, but a kick ass display of airness nonetheless.

Score: 5.7, 5.8, 5.9

The final ranking:

#5 T Slaypool
#4 The Fro
#3 The Shred (followed by an aaaaw from the audience)
#2 Fender Splendor
#1 Hot Lixx Hoolihan

Then everyone got on stage for Freebird.

See you next year.

All photos: Dakota Fine
Full set: http://www.flickr.com/photos/dakotafine/sets/72157605513654035/

Also Alyssa took some awesome ones here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/youbebetty/sets/72157605455434000/

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