Brightest Young Things

DC is a thriving comedy factory. We like to laugh. We appreciate wit and wordplay. We have a million people who think they're hilarious because they were all in Pirates of Penzance in High School. So it's an ideal place to hone your craft. The problem is that once a comedian reaches a certain level of skill and notoriety they usually make a beeline for the exit, moving to New York or LA to either become famous or end up naked and crying in some sleazy juke joint singing Joan Baez songs as the crowd screams obscenities at them.

Hampton Yount (our very own Bentzen Ball alumni-ed) is just the latest in a series of stellar young comics falling prey to this delusion of grandeur. Sure, he's talented enough--combining unflappable devilish intelligence with blunt unpredictable crudeness--and motivated enough to be a huge star, which is exactly why we're considering kidnapping him during his CD recording performance this Thursday and handcuffing him to a radiator and making him tell us jokes all day like in that movie Misery. Haha just kidding Hampton...get it?

BYT:  Once you move to LA are you planning on going "hollywood" (this is what we mean by going "hollywood")?

Hampton: I promise you I will not ruin the show Martin.

BYT: We saw you read from a NASCAR-themed romance novel you wrote once. Have you ever actually been to a NASCAR race?

Hampton: God no.

BYT: You write a funny webcomic (Rob and Elliot)--what are your favorite funny webcomics that are more than nerd wish fulfillment?

Hampton: I write a mildly successful webcomic (in terms of webcomics) and I read NO webcomics. Is that weird? I only check Joe Loves Crappy Movies because I am friends with the guy and I think it's the best out there.

BYT: If your CD album was going to be released by a famous 90s record label would it be Alternative Tentacles or Killrockstars?

Hampton: If it was a comedy CD in the 90's it would more likely be released by a label called Chucklefarm or Bonerz or something like that. The record label's building would wear a giant neon jacket with massive shoulder pads.

BYT: Do you actively dislike religion or just their most annoying adherents?  Were you raised in a religious household?

Hampton: What's to say? I think there are good qualities to religion but so far the world has only seen the overwhelming amount of bad qualities. Watch smarter people than myself talk about it, and be funny:

And yes, I was raised very religious. I was raised Catholic but I gave it up for Lent.

BYT: Last time I saw you, you had three rape jokes in one set.  You'll be pulling out all the stops for this CD recording show, are you going to up the ante and break the rape-joke-per-show record?

Hampton: A woman complained to me about that after that show, which offended me, ironically. She said it's never OK to use rape in a joke. But the jokes were about a man getting raped by a bear and one where the whole joke is about this dumb anti-marijuana ad that actually used the threat of rape to dissuade people from using pot, not realizing rape is waaaay worse than pot use. Was I walking on stage and saying "What if a woman got raped?! Thankyougoodnight!"? No. Anything can be funny, it's about context you fucking moron. Not you, her.

BYT:  Bear rape is never funny, sir.  Unless the man is raping the bear.  Then the bear was probably asking for it.

BYT: Which metal bands are the biggest pussies?

Hampton: Probably Evanescence because it's fronted by a woman. So the band literally has a bigger pussy than most. Plus they are terrible.

BYT:  Actually, we asked Lemmy (of Motorhead fame) what's on his iPod and he said Evanescence.  He actually said Evanescence was the best band of the last decade.  We love you and all, but I think Lemmy's way more qualified to give recommendations on metal than you, so we'll just give you a pass on that last question.

BYT: So you're moving to LA for the bright lights and sunshine.  Will you write a column for us about your quest for the perfect taco?

Hampton: Mmmmm no. Maybe Thai food.

BYT: No. Tacos.  BYT loves tacos. We could give a shit about Thai food.

BYT: It seems like so many comics have come up in the DC scene and are making it or have made it big!  Patton Oswalt, Martin Lawrence, Dave Chappelle, Wanda Sykes, Rob Cantrell, Ari Shaffir, so many others.  And now you seem to be on that path.  We can't fault you for leaving like the rest, but we must say we're a little bummed.  How has your experience been coming up in the DC comedy scene?

Hampton:  I just want to be able to do comedy for a living. I don't expect any big acclaims. If you are a comedy nerd you realize that "making it" has completely changed. There are tons of amazing comics who are doing exactly what the want to be doing, but the common man hasn't heard of them, and they are still extremely happy. Doing it for a living would be "making it" to me, anything past that would be small miracles.

BYT: You were a part of the inaugural Bentzen Ball, what were your thoughts on that festival?  Would you make the trek back from LA to do it again?

Hampton:  Sure, you guys ran a great festival. Anyone who missed it was a fool.

BYT: Dude, you are so right. That's the funniest, most insightful thing you've ever said.  Those fools missed free champagne and cake.  And so many funny people.  Fools.

BYT:  Let's hear your best joke, give folks a teaser of your show on Thursday.

Hampton: "Look at this muthafucka in the front row! Lookit him! JUST LOOKIT HIM! Is that your girl? How long you guys been datin'?"

BYT:  Many LOLs. Who are your top 5 favorite comics?

Hampton: Bill Hicks, Patton Oswalt, Stewart Lee, David Cross, Doug Stanhope. I am nothing like these incredible gentlemen.

BYT: Yeah, typical.  You forgot to say Lenny Bruce.  Seriously, though, you should add some black comedians in there if you want to get any real respect in L.A.  You might think about adding Bill Bellamy to your list.  Way funnier than David Cross. We're just sayin':

BYT: We have a contest running to draw a funny piece of art or drawing that has anything to do with Gilbert Arenas.  Since you're a fancy WebComic Maker, could you draw something for us that's Gilbert Arenas-related?  Preferably with guns and a fucking shark tank.

Hampton: My very talented brother actually draws the web strip, his name is Clay Yount. I only have the talent to write. I could maybe get him to do it.

BYT: Finally, when you make your CD on Thursday, will you please wear something similar to what Eddie Griffin wore when he did his show?

Hampton: Do you mean black skin?

BYT: Yes please. Thanks a lot Hampton! And kids, please remember, there's nothing funny about bear rape.  Unless it's Japanese Manga Anime Teddy Bear Rape.  I'm sure there's a Japanese word for that.

Go see him in Virginia before it's too late!

Hot Broth @ THE COMEDY SPOT

Ballston Common Mall 4238 Wilson Blvd
Arlington, VA 22203
2 blocks south of the Ballston/MU metro stop on the orange line
730-1030pm

Free

Previously in comedy:

• 2/10: Behind The Desk 35: Spotting THE Crazy In the Arts (Vol. 2)
• 2/7: LiveDC: Demetri Martin @ Warner Theatre
• 1/24: LiveDC: Adam Carolla @ Fillmore
• 1/20: Behind The Desk 32: Eddie Brill Is Common
• 1/17: LiveDC: JB Smoove @ 930 Club
• 12/8: Tom Arnold - Up Close & Very Nice
• 12/5: LiveDC: Michael Ian Black @ Sixth and I Synagogue
• 12/5: Lauren Weedman-BUSTED
• 12/1: R.I.P. Patrice O'Neal - brilliant 1969 to 2011
• 11/30: BYT Interview: Michael Ian Black