CANCELLED DUE TO SNOW: Dressed to Dance Flamenco Festival @ The Corcoran
The Bentzen Ball is coming up, our first full on comedy festival. To get you better acquainted with the 5 million comedians involved, we had them fill out this very official questionnaire. All the other info you ever wanted on the Bentzen Ball is located on it’s very own special URL: http://www.bentzenball.com/
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Name: Justin Lightning Cousson, II (born Lew Alcindor, if you must know)
DJ Name: DJ C-Biscuit Hometown: Lanham, Md. “A census-designated area with no official boundaries.” JUST LIKE ME, SON! OHHHH SHITT! |
What are you doing right now? (be specific)
I’m hanging out with my betta fish, Dr. F.* Pepper, getting my mind off the fact that it’s probably time to do laundry when I’m not sure if the socks I’m wearing were made for men or women.
*The “F.” is for “Fucksley.”
Occupation you’ll fall back on if this comedy thing doesn’t work out:
I’m majoring in Journalism at the University of Maryland and I work as a cartoonist. Also, I have a lot of POGS, which means in the Ukraine, I’m wealthy enough to buy my own Robocop.
Best joke you’ve ever told:
“I saw a fat guy at the mall with a shirt that said “PUMA”. I thought, “that creature is seriously mislabeled.” Either that, or he was just letting me know what he’d make an excellent meal for.”
Fellow Bentzen Ball comedian/comedienne you have a (no longer) secret crush on:
Dear Chelsea Peretti,
I think you are very “Per-itty.” Do You Like Me?
YES NO MAYBE.
Circle One.
If she’s busy Friday, I’ve been scrawling “Mrs. Hampton Yount” in the margins of my math homework. A boy can dream, can’t he?
Favorite monument:
The statue of Milton Snavely Hershey at Hersheypark, commemorating 88 years of hiding his middle name.
Worst name you were ever called as a child:
You can’t rhyme “Justin” with anything derogatory. I was insult-proof, and thus, was and remain, the de facto king of Gaywood Elementary.
If you had to have sex with an animal, what would you choose?
A goat, for sure. Some of them yell like bros.
Each day before I sit down to dinner, I recite 2 Kings 2:23-24 to myself:
“Elisha left Jericho to go to Bethel and on the way some boys came out of a town and made fun of him. “Get out of here, Baldy!” they shouted. Elisha turned around, glared at them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys to pieces.”
P.S. God is love.
If you could eliminate one race from the Earth which would you choose?
The Belmont Stakes. If I could find a single modern use for horses, I would’ve had a different answer three questions ago.
And finally, what did Tig bribe you with to get you to agree to come?
Pssh, we both know Tig needs my O-Negative blood and A-Positive attitude. Also, like all boys, I’m easily swayed with candy.
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Justin Cousson is a young comedian from Maryland. No other comedian is younger. No other comedian is from Maryland.
A Silver Spring-born and Lanham-raised 20-year-old dynamo of indeterminable ethnicity and questionable ambition, Cousson’s style,
which fluctuates from laid-back and naive to over-the-top manic has been a hit with college students as well as functioning members of society, [...]
Justin Cousson is a young comedian from Maryland. No other comedian is younger. No other comedian is from Maryland.
A Silver Spring-born and Lanham-raised 20-year-old dynamo of indeterminable ethnicity and questionable ambition, Cousson’s style,
which fluctuates from laid-back and naive to over-the-top manic has been a hit with college students as well as functioning members of society, having been described by Comcast On-Demand as “sure to entertain.”
Cousson has been prominently seen at the University of Maryland, where he founded the stand-up comedy troupe Off the Wall and authored the comic strip of the same name in the University of Maryland Diamondback, reaching a circulation of 17,000 daily. Other venues he has performed at include WMUC Radio, the Baltimore Comedy Factory, the Gotham Comedy Club and Magooby’s Joke House, where he filmed two sets for Comcast On-Demand and won their November 2008 New Talent Showcase.
This past spring at University of Maryland, Justin was a special guest co-host for about a month or two on my radio show at WMUC. To say the least, we had some awesome on air shenanigans.
October 6, 2009 at 3:46 pmAh, Svetlana, you’re too kind and lovely.
October 6, 2009 at 5:51 pmClever. It’s cool to see a homosexual comedian who doesn’t have to rely on cheap gay jokes to get laughs.
October 6, 2009 at 5:58 pmAw, BYT, you’re the gift that keeps on giving. Yesterday I’m “crush worthy,” today I’m “adorable,” and now I’m gay!
Despite my absolutely-normal affinity for Brady Anderson, the Scissor Sisters and highlighting my hair, I’m actually straight. It’s not my fault that I’m never seen with girls. I’m just terrible at making conversation and I also have no money and wear the same clothes every day.
I do look damn good in a scarf, though.
October 6, 2009 at 6:34 pmAlso, that being said, bros don’t count. I go through a few bros every morning before I down a glass full of egg whites, jump rope for two hours, and then run up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art to my own uplifting 80’s music.
Totally straight.
I’m straighter than the UFC.
Bad example.
October 6, 2009 at 6:38 pmAnd to Megan, know that I’m keeping the spirit of the Alternative Breakfast Party from Hell alive. In the sense that the show has now been renamed after the most ill-tasting beer available and instead of passionately fawning over meticulously constructed mix CDs, I just put on two hours of Oasis b-sides while I do my econ homework.
October 6, 2009 at 7:05 pmHaha I’m amazed at how acuratley you’ve depicted yourself here! So many people lie on these things. You’re a saint. Ps. I still can’t determine your ethnicity!
October 6, 2009 at 7:53 pmCousCous is mad dope. :)
and I’m pretty sure he’s straight..
Never been to a show but he is pretty damn funny I must say, and doesn’t even need a harmonica or large pad of paper
October 6, 2009 at 8:33 pmI could be wrong, but I think Kelsey is implying that I’m funnier than Bob Dylan.
Them’s fighting words, I reckon.
October 6, 2009 at 8:50 pmDearest Justonian Coussonian,
You, sir, rock my world. You light up my life (*insert moving song here*). This bio alone made me almost pee my pants (sorry if that is disturbing, but I DON’T CARE). You are infinitely cooler than Stephen Jay Gould. Now your ego is the size of Madagascar. Uncool on my part, I suppose.
But, I think your face is as beautiful as the underside of a baby Capybara! (Your jokes are okay, too, I guess)
Yours ever so truly and not so awesomely,
Molly T. (for Thunder. Like the Thunder to your Lightening) Crenshaw
P.S. I would like to be the legal Father of your half-bro-like-yelling-goat children. They will love me. We will make the best parents EVER.
Ok. That is all.
October 6, 2009 at 9:17 pmBUUUH!!! BUUUHH!!!
Please don’t do goats, Justin. I mean, you’re the only comedian from Maryland I know. And you’re so bright, so young, so thing…a bright scarf-wearing young thing.
But Carla, they said I had to! Unless legislation passes otherwise, peer pressure is the official law of the Ball, and I already owe the girl above you goatlings! I have a reputation to uphold.
P.S. Sarah Reynolds, I can’t figure out my ethnicity either. Is Neapolitan a race?
October 6, 2009 at 10:10 pmJ Couss better be straight, because I want more than anything to bear his children.
October 6, 2009 at 10:38 pmUh. My nominations for Best Justin Cousson jokes: Boombox, Cockroaches, Fake ID or Soy People.
October 6, 2009 at 11:27 pmI’m flattered and intimidated. I swear I’d ask you to prom if I hadn’t decided at the moment to see how many pieces of candy corn I could fit in my mouth, completely ignoring space needed to chew.
October 7, 2009 at 12:05 amAnd Vish, I’ll dust off Soy People during the Ball just for you – I think you’re the only one who could ever really love that joke – I’m glad you’re letting it know how you feel.
That being said, I think I misread the question. Instead of “Best Joke You’ve Ever Told” I just went with “Last Joke You Told That Involved Reading a T-Shirt or Going to the Mall.”
October 7, 2009 at 10:27 amAnd my favorite Vish Bhatt joke has to be when they used a picture of some random Indian guy on the Ball site and no one could tell the difference (I just thought your hair used to be luxurious and you never told me). That, or that one about when you met a lesbian. (”I met a lesbian last night. I asked her to dance and she said “I’m a lesbian.”)
October 7, 2009 at 10:34 amKareem Abdul-Jabbar, Seabiscuit, pogs, Robocop, and his pet fish in a survey that could’ve been done in a handful of words.
This kid’s gonna be good.
October 7, 2009 at 12:46 pmAnd just for the curious, I’ll be doing the ball at Thursday (10:00) and Saturday (8:00) in the HR 57-Comedy Room, as well as holding down the late night (10pm-1am) show at Ben’s Chili Bowl each night with Vish Bhatt and Seaton Smith.
October 7, 2009 at 11:48 pmJustin’s a good comic and the most effeminate straight guy I know.
October 9, 2009 at 12:52 pmThanks Keith. Do I get a trophy?
I’ll chalk it up to inexperience. I’m only 20. I’ve still got a good seven months before I have to apply for my man license, so I figure I’ll spend it playing with puppies and reading Seventeen “so I can figure out what girls like.”
October 9, 2009 at 2:40 pm
I love this kid: I was insult-proof, and thus, was and remain, the de facto king of Gaywood Elementary.
October 6, 2009 at 1:53 pm