Wow, love makes people do crazy things. Here is what the psychos are up to this weekend. You're not a psycho, are you?

Thursday

Mark Wahlberg in Fear

Since he won't be able to finger Reese Witherspoon on a roller coaster (Six Flags is closed due to snow) Marky Mark is going to stay in and carve "Nicole" in his chest and walk over in his bare feet to Peach Pit at Dahlak for the 1990s Valentine's day mixer: “Because love takes time to heal when you’re hurting so much.”

Friday

Alicia Silverstone in The Crush

Alicia will no doubt be following the handsome budding intellectual set.This means you'll find Alicia/Adrian at The Capitol Skyline for the Pink Line Project and Civilian Arts sponsored Alternative Valentine's Day party featuring Fatback and FREE PIZZA. The booze and hotel rooms will make it easier for her to frame a hot young WaPo reporter or Fatback DJ for rape.

Then she'll probably head over to She.Rex at Chief Ike's to try her hand with the ladies.

Saturday

Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction

Let's just spend this night avoiding Glenn Close. People that are always trying to commit suicide to make you stay are such a drag. At this point- these women are probably sharpening their knives and filling prescription bottles in order for the big V-day murder-suicide. Basically, if you're involved with one of these psychos, tonight is your last night to party.

Get some culture before your life falls into shambles by going to the Orchestrated Misbehavior opening at EvolveDC

Then head over to the opening of Activation 2719- an awesome house on 13th street handed over to a group of local artists to have their way with.

Now, to let loose: I definitely suggest making the most of your last night before the onset of crippling PTSD by going to the Pre-Valentine's Day Sock Hop at Velvet Lounge with Kid Congo Powers and Baby Alcatraz .

Sunday- Valentine's Day

Jennifer Jason Leigh in Single White Female

Jennifer starts off the day waking up in her roommate's empty bed, smelling her clothes, and then going over to the DC Record Fair at the Black Cat to replicate her entire record collection.

Then she lurks around the back alley of the Black Cat until it's time for Chad America's annual Valentine's Day Party.

Once she realizes that her roommate has a hot and sexy date at Napoleon for Fatback's Tender Loin Valentine's Day baby making love fest, Jennifer reapplies her burgundy lipstick and heads over with the intention of get knocked up by her roommate's date or one of her exes.

p.s. check out ART ITINERARY for quality art stalking events

Now, tell us your psycho plans: