Oh hey guys! I thought you might need a trusty guide to help you find your way through the dozens of events that loom over the labor day weekend horizon like a think creepy, scary fog.

Don’t worry- I got STACK on this.

Thursday

• Benjy Ferree is playing a free show at the Kennedy Center Millenium Stage at 6 pm. GO IMMEDIATELY AFTER WORK- it’s a beautiful day.

• Virginia option: New Rock Church of Fire plays the Light House with Pocket Knife. Get a cheeseburger and then go see the show. BRUTAL.

• The Pet Shop Boys are queering it up at DAR

Or you could learn about Kurt Cobain’s mysterious death

Friday

• All the cool adults will be at the sold out Alice in Chains show

• All the cool kids will be at Velvet Lounge for The Bee’s Knees

• All the weird kids will be at SELAM (remember that place?!?!) getting deep as hell with the Futuretimes crew.

Or you could go hang out in a forest and get abducted by aliens!

Saturday

• Chris Burns, Lovefingers, Ron Morelli, and Steve Summers are going to play out the summer at the final BYT summer camp

• Chk Chk Chk is at Black Cat

• The clear winner for the night is the VERY BIG FATBACK at 930 club. This is going to be so much fun the universe might implode. I’m going to go and try to marry Sean Peoples.

Or you could drive around cemeteries looking for ghosts

Sunday

• After a day of light vandalism in the name of fun come to Little Miss Whiskey’s for BYT and 100%’s END OF THE WORLD PARTY- where we’ll be toasting to the end of Summer with snake pits, pervert priests, goldfish bowl drinks, and more. Expect things to get really weird.

Or you can watch a giant blob fall from the sky:

Monday

• Happy Labor Day! EAT POTATO SALAD, BURGERS, BRATS, and ROCKET POPS. Watch True Blood and Mad Men on DVR. Prepare yourself for the Motorhead show.

An X-Files Unsolved Mystery mashup for the hardcore