Having a hard time figuring out what to do this weekend? Let America's favorite bad boy and party expert Bobby Brown guide you...

Make sure to have this playing when reading BWB: Bobby Brown Edition:

Thursday

• Bluebrain is holding a crazy boombox parade party in Dupont- get there at 7 to ensure you get a jambox. The weather is beautiful and so are you.

• Screaming Females are shredding it backstage at the Black Cat w/ Ingrid and some band named Onion Flavored Rings who must be awesome with that name.

Thursday's overall Bobby Brown rating: 1 crack rock and 2 blunts.

Friday

• THE BEST SHOW IN THE WORLD IS HAPPENING TONIGHT: Rattler plays with New Rock Church of Fire and Supreme Commander at Rock & Roll Hotel. Prepare to get awesome.

• If you want to prefer culturally uplifting hip hop to sex rock,  go to LIV and see The Cornell West Theory perform with special guest Dr. Cornell West.

• Oh and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs are at 930 club- have fun.

Friday's overall Bobby Brown rating: 3 crack rocks, 3 blunts, 2 strippers, 1 gold record.

Saturday

Day:

• Harass Paula Deen, Nicholas Sparks, Ken Burns, and Judy Blume at the National Book Festival on the Mall- bring a date and look smart!

• If you have transportation and are good at planning- check out the Small Press Expo at the Bethesda Convention Center

Night:

• Aziz Ansari (RAAAAAANNNDDY) is performing at the 6th & I St Historic Synogague.

• Will Eastman- now a proud owner of an awesome dog AND a club, holds his always solid Bliss dance party at the Black Cat Backstage

• Mr Jonathan Toubin brings the New York Night Train back to DC for A Soul Clap Dance Contest at the 930 Club back bar

Saturday's overall Bobby Brown Rating: 3 blunts sprinkled with crack and an overturned restraining order.

Sunday

Day:

• Oh my god do I love a good street festival- especially a Latino one. Definitely check out the Fiesta DC Street Festival on Mt. Pleasant Street.

Evening:

• BBQ and set up your Tivo/DVR

Night:

• I am SO PUMPED FOR THIS SHOW: Health at the Sonic Circuits festival at the Black Cat will be ridiculous. There are like 10 other killer bands also playing: Faust, Rat Bastard, Chris Grier, Ulright Kreiger Trio, Pekka Airaksinen, Alexei Borisov w/ Anton Nikkila. (Check out more festival info here)

• At DC9 Exactly and the Suckers is a safe bet for a wholesome/gruesome Sunday night. The last show at GoldLeaf involved fake blood, tons of eyeliner, and bodypaint.

Sunday's overall Bobby Brown rating: Crack binge.

HAPPY HUMPIN AROUND!