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Best Weekend Bets

August 27, 2009 by Svetlana

Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! NOW! MOVE IT! Or I’m going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!

FULL METAL JACKET IS NOT EXACTLY WHAT ONE MAY CALL A GOOD TIME “BEST WEEKEND BETS” KIND OF A MOVIE BUT IT DOES DO ONE THING: IT MEANS GODDAMN BUSINESS. JUST LIKE THIS WEEKEND DOES.

So-lets soldier on into the next 3 days of the almost last weekend of the summer. Are we gonna try and make the most of it or what? Thought so. (Inspirational quotes offered throughout)

Preemptive reading:
Make sure you read our Free Movie Guide and Electronic Music Guide before you do this.

THURSDAY
Shakespeare-free-for-all kicks off today with “Taming of the shrew”. Expect there to be a stampede for tickets so stampede up. It is worth it.

Then-2 good shows tonight: Cale Parks and Lemonade are @ Comet and True Womanhood and Deleted Scenes are @ the Black Cat. (check out posts today for both of them to make informed decisions)

Everyone wins with either one of those two.

Alternatively: buy the buy 1 get 2 free strawberries and a bunch of cheap champagne at Harris Teeter, invite the women in your life over and watch Project Runway happen, so we can talk about it tomorrow when I painstakingly recap it.

Bullshit. It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama’s ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress.

FRIDAY
SO MUCH STUFF.
TOO MUCH STUFF.

Top 3 BYT Picks:
-The Flaming Lips/Stardeath/Explosions in the sky extravaganza. I don’t know if there will be any special deal tickets left by now, but we’re running this sweet 2-for-1 deal for it. DO IT.
-Pandahead Anniversary Party @ Comet
and
-NO SCRUBS going all big and shit @ 930 CLUB

Top 4 BYT Pick:
sleeping

What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn’t Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?

SATURDAY
I hope you have some red bull (read:aderall) stashes somewhere because today is going to be non-stop.
Rise and shine and head over to our pool party.
There are only 2 left in the summer and this one is (according to the Washington Post) “worthy of headlining 930 club”.
We got BOOT CAMP and in BOOT CAMP:
Tabi Bonney is performing live
Sergeant Tittsworth is DJing!
Lieutenant Matt Nordstrom is DJing!
Private Stereofaith is DJing!
+ I don’t even know how many other extra special things (sneaker suite expo, maybe a fashion show, giveaways, insanity)
Be there or forever regret it. Seriously.

Then-no point to stop: Beat the Heat literally carries our party over to Paradox, Nouveau Riche is having its August edition and Razzmatazz is at the Black Cat. for all you Pulp lovers out there.

You can sleep when you’re dead.

The deadliest weapon in the world is a marine and his rifle. It is your killer instinct which must be harnessed if you expect to survive in combat. Your rifle is only a tool. It is a hard heart that kills. If your killer instincts are not clean and strong you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will become dead marines and then you will be in a world of shit because marines are not allowed to die without permission. Do you maggots understand?

SUNDAY
You know-its Virgin fest day. Its free, its going to be hot (literally) and as always, you’ll totally live if you don’t get to go.

Alternatively sleep, eat a Restaurant week brunch somewhere and then cozy up and watch some TV so we can all discuss it by the watercooler that are our computers next week.

PLENTY OF OTHER OPTIONS are available in our healthy, overstuffed calendar.
Leave comments with other thoughts.

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