photos by Victoria Milko (polaroids, digitals, and 120) and Lex Paulson (mobile phone shots)
words by Lex Paulson
Nine Ironclad Rules for an Impromptu Liaison d’Amour
"God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well." -Voltaire
"I love Paris in the summer, when it sizzles." -Cole Porter
Love, like the French, demands both soft spontaneity and harder doctrine.
If you choose Paris, you lovers, you will find a city which conjures—all at once—the most refined sentiments of humankind, and a passionate desire to refer those sentiments to the guillotine for a haircut.Revel, romantics, in these nine laws of the City of Lights; our bible, our sacred compilation of mistakes and accidents, is for believers and heretics alike.
Build an impervious system of love, and demolish it. Theorise. Make out. Be French.
***
Ironclad Rule #1: First things first—the major attractions are neither to be slavishly sought nor coolly ignored. Iconic attractions abound, but seeing the sights is about finding your own angle.
"America is my country and Paris is my hometown." -Gertrude Stein
Ironclad Rule #2: Start the day in bed, at the Hotel St. Germain des Pres, 36 Rue Bonaparte. Add pains au chocolats, vanilla yogurt, and an enormous quantity of fresh fruit. And tea.
"Unable to repress the happiness with which the afternoon’s adventure had filled him, he kept repeating to himself: ‘How nice it would be to have a little woman like that in whose house one could always be certain of finding, what one can never be certain of finding, a really good cup of tea." -Marcel Proust, Swann's Way
Ironclad Rule #3: The damn finest produce in Paris, which is in turn the damn finest produce on God’s green earth, can be found in the Marais between Rue des Lombards and Rue Saint-Martin. A strawberry is not a strawberry.
"I will astonish Paris with an apple." -Paul Cezanne
Ironclad Rule #4: Two cafés, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where we lay our scene, / From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil brunch makes civil hands unclean. You can’t be on both sides: you have to choose.
"Somehow, at some point, in a past that was right around the corner but—to Nicole, at least—was irretrievable, something had happened to make the Café de Flore the most fashionable place in Paris and the Deux Magots the least." -Adam Gopnik, From Paris to the Moon
Ironclad Rule #5: A potent aphrodisiac is formed by the combination of Pistachio, Amaretto, and Malaga gelati. As the Parisians say, “Vas-y doucement”—handle with extreme care.
"Ice-cream is exquisite - what a pity it isn't illegal as well." -Voltaire
Ironclad Rule #6: Right across from Notre Dame is Shakespeare & Company, the timeless temple of Americans in Paris and a literary conclave which numbered Joyce, Hemingway, and Ginsberg as high priests. The bookstore’s lay ministers—young expat poets and wanderers—still work the register by day and type new masterpieces upstairs at night. Go.
"If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast." -Ernest Hemingway
*Intermission*
(The “three S’s” of Paris: Siesta, soccer porn, and subterranean Russian song)
Ironclad Rule #7: Go to Montparnasse. Find a crepe. Annihilate it.
"All I wanted was to connect my moods with those of Paris. Beauty paints and when it painted most, I shot." -Ernst Haas
Ironclad Rule #8: The greatest pleasures of Paris smile at your money and push it away. Brass bands in the Luxembourg Gardens, communal picnics along the canals of Republique, cloud-watching through the tangoed canopy of Chatelet Les Halles.
Leave your currency; take wine and the one you love.
Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." -Marcel Proust
Ironclad Rule #9: Escape from Paris.
"Common sense tells us that the things of the earth exist only a little, and that true reality is only in dreams." -Baudelaire.
Previously in Romantic Getaways:
God loves a cheerful giver.
it's francofest 2010 on byt today. i like it.
Love this post! I lived in Paris for a while and miss it tremendously. I would also agree for the BY heteros St Germain de Pres is an excellent place to get a hotel and go out (Bastille area for the Hipsters). For the BYGays and Jews you have to stay in the Marais it's central Paris and has the best gay nightlife and falafel.
Other quick tip 1st Sunday of every month all the national museums are free! This means the big museums of Paris like Louvre, Pompidieu and D'Orsay will be packed. Try some of the smaller ones that are equally amazing Musee Picasso, Musee Rodin (just do the sculpture garden) or the Orangerie (Monet's water lilies you will literally gasp).
Oh the big parks just outside of proper Paris are gorgeous and you can totally get row boats! (Bois de Vincennes and Bois de Boulonge)
yay! heading to Paris in mid-sept!
awesome pictorial and editorial piece...Paris is wonderful...I hope to go back with someone I love...merci beaucoup!
Love this piece. Fenomenal.
sharply written, and visually ripe.- roger ebert
i love you guys.
YOU GUYS ARE SO LAME>>>YOU'RE NOT EX PATS IN PARIS, JUST TOURIST THAT READ TOO MUCH ABOUT PARIS IN BOOKS
Yeah! Books suck! BOOOOO books about Paris!!!
Great idea! But this guy looks around 30 and she looks....well, 18. Maybe a Paris Getaway would be more elegant and romantic when it's not about a robbing-the-cradle student-dates-teacher affair?
How was it... pretending to be in love for a few days? Hope it got you laid, buddy! Who is next?
158478 @lexatool: Wow, “lexatool”- Perhaps all the energy you put into commenting on should be redirected towards actually get yourself laid by someone that cares about you. Or perhaps just making out with random people in sweaty dance clubs/house shows around town will continue to meet your needs. As for me? I’ll keep making out with my loved one in Paris and all the other cities we go to, thanks. Hope you enjoy reading and anonymously commenting on those posts when they're written.
PS- Feel free to correct me by flaunting your sexual victories on here for all to read. Xoxo.
158475 @FLo: That is because she is 19 and he is 30. Seriously. Look it up.
ALSO-
This story is definitely lame, the lay-out is lame, the "top 10 things to do in Paris" style is lame.
What I love about anonymous internet forums is that you get to do two things-- make fun of people and then responding to people making fun of people. @everyone who commented on this post-- Lex and Tori are remarkable. They are perhaps one of the most perfect couples I have seen in this mind-numbingly dour city, so let's put the bs aside. My guess is that @lexatool is jealous and that @flo wishes she/he could date anyone at all. I'm not here to shit-talk, though, because what's the point of talking negatively about a blog post about being in love. Oh, I forgot, we are all so fucking hipster that we love the idea of making fun of people who are happy. What could be more tres chic than to soothe our tired, unhappy souls by poking fun at those who are loving and enjoying their life? Oh right, without wallowing in misery, we wouldn't have anything to say.
note to ___: its hard to play the jilted ex-hookup convincingly if you still go to all of his shows.
age aint nuthing but a number!
you really think this is a hipster talking shit here? it's some lonely loser.
So, angry avenger you've had your say. Any more insulting comments you make about our lovely and sophisticated contributors will be deleted. You can if you wish, continue to make personal attacks on me, if you like. I look like this:
(im on the right)
Hey "duh". You should get your facts straight. She's not 19. "Seriously. Look it up" by getting on Facebook while you sit at the office, or whatever it is you do do get your "info" on people. Not that it matters or is a huge difference, but if you're going to be such a douche bag you might as well be a correct douche bag.
I love how Peter was so excited about national high five day he went out a day early just get people amped up.
The setting and the plot remind me of that movie "An Education"... http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1174732/
Warning - the ending is kinda tragic for the girl...
Peter's parenthetical under the photo = highlight of my day
RULE #2 IS WRONG. LES MATINS DE PARIS: