Brightest Young Things

All Words: Jeff Jetton

All Pictures: My brother, whose name can't be stated here but whose last name is also Jetton

The truth is, I've been in Vegas for a week and I'm tired. I'm actually on the airplane in the sky as I'm typing this and I really want to put my seat back and sleep. My flight was canceled on Monday and Air Tran rescheduled me for Thursday without telling me. So not only did I go to the airport to find I wasn't going to be able to fly that day, I also had to spend an extra four fucking days in Vegas because they wouldn't rebook me on another airline and they didn't have any alternate plan to get me home. Four days. That's the equivalent of a month anywhere else. I don't mind putting this in writing because I've never been so dicked over by an airline, so here it is: FUCK YOU AIRTRAN. From the bottom of my heart, FUCK YOU. I didn't create a facebook page that says you suck, but I definitely joined it.

Anyways, my point is, I'm tired, and as much as I'd love to give you the stories about the Red Carpet at the 2011 AVN Awards (the porn awards), I'm just going to let the pictures do the talking. A quick recap, Pauly Shore was there, Dave Navarro, who may be the biggest douchebag I've come across, was doing color commentary for AVN.com and that's about the only people you would recognize if you're not a watcher of porn. We popped over to the Consumer Electronics Show earlier in the day to check out the latest in gadgetry and picked up some sort of new fangled double microphone with adjustable settings. I think it was a prototype from LG or Bose or Kenmore, I can't really remember.

But if you ARE a watcher of porn, all the peeps you would expect to be there were there. Ron Jeremy, Jenna Haze and a who's who of the Adult Industry showed up to watch their friends win awards for things such as Most Outrageous Sex Scene and Best Threeway. It seemed like a bit of a popularity contest or rigged or something, basically it was pretty boring, but props to Baltimore native and completely awesome chick Sarah Joelle Hildebrand (porn name Andy San Dimas]) for winning Best Actress for her role in This Aint Glee: XXX. Sarah did all of her own vocals for this porn parody of the hit show Glee. You can watch the auditions here:

So wait, there was a point here. Which was... I'm tired. All porned out. You're going to have to imagine the interviews and conversations that took place on the Red Carpet. They were profound, though, let me tell you. Oh yeah, also, Andy Dick got kicked out of the awards for being wasted and intolerable and probably on quaaludes, but that's not really news anymore, he's Andy Dick.

Oh, I keep getting sidetracked, trying to rush off to sleep uncomfortably on the worst airline on the planet, but I was going to tell you, you may not watch porn, but you might appreciate feats of glory. I had no idea who this girl was until after I interviewed her...

But she is known as Cytherea and I'll just leave you and google to figure out the rest. You heard it here first. Or you probably didn't, pervert.

Alright, my battery on my computer is dying, so I'll make this quick. The awards were kinda shitty, but the Red Carpet was pretty fun. We have a ton of pictures, here they are. We left early, so if we missed your favorite pornstar, I'm sorry. It was cold out.

Here's some more of our coverage:

http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/articles/porn-week-lily-labeau-interview.htm

http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/articles/adult-exponomics.htm

http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/articles/byt-porn-week-the-nina-hartley-interview.htm

http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/articles/porn-week-zoe-voss-interview.htm

http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/articles/ron-jeremy-randy-west-interviews.htm

http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/articles/the-tom-byron-interview-kinda-nsfw.htm

Stay tuned tomorrow for an interview with the guy who created the Penis Pump. And some other porn related stuff.

Fuck you, AirTran, forever.

Previously in BYT Porn Week:

• 1/31: The Cobrasnake: A Lunch
• 1/17: Purveyor of Penis Pumps (NSFW)
• 1/13: Adult Expornomics
• 1/12: Porn Week: Nina Hartley Interview
• 1/12: Skeletons in My Closet: The First Time I Saw Porn
• 1/12: Porn Week: Zoe Voss Interview
• 1/11: Porn Week: Lily Labeau Interview
• 1/11: Ron Jeremy & Randy West Interviews
• 1/10: The Tom Byron Interview (kinda NSFW)