Brightest Young Things

Photos by Paul Goodman

All words by: Peter

Every second Saturday of the month the Black Cat has a local music showcase, which 10 years ago would have sounded insane, like having Rich White Guy Month, since every month is Rich White Guy Month in the 90s! These days my lawn is crowded with dance parties and more dance parties, so it’s admirable that the Cat tries to maintain their street cred by having slightly early weekend rock shows for the kids to come to before heading off to an 11pm dance party. I wish this one had started a little later so Paul could have got some pictures of the opening band, because they were incredible, but as you can see from the pictures below SEAS held down their featured spot admirably. If you don’t like hyperbolic hysterical praise, please scroll down to the pictures to read my adult review of the adult headliners who represented DC to the fullest. If you instead also enjoy things that are better than (and reminiscent to) He-man’s sword shooting plasma rays through a Darth Vader planet in SPACE, read on.

CAT JACK are a new band. They’re so new they have baby teeth. Cat Jack are 5 and 7 year-old kids who play drums and guitar (respectively) and yell in little kid voices about weird magical everyday subjects with more special power that 99% of garage punk bands on earth. It was easily the best kid’s act I’ve ever seen, but to prove it we calculated with a computer what would happen if they had a rock-off with all the other musical children who’ve ever played through-out history to watch them fight like a Picachu!

CAT JACK vs Smoosh

Smoosh falls in love and dedicates rest of their lives to sewing quilts for the boys.

CAT JACK vs Muppet Babys playing Rock Band

Kermit explodes from the baneful gullyness of CJ’s guitar sound and stuffing rains down on the horrified faces of his adopted siblings.

CAT JACK vs Old Skull

Old Skull was a bunch of preteen skater punks from Wisconsin who Thurston Moore discovered who sang about weed which is awesome but CAT JACK told jokes between songs like this: “Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? Because he didn’t have anyBODY to dance with!” Hugs are better than drugs, CAT JACK wins despite their faux hawks.

CAT JACK vs the Partridge Family

Any kids who have their parents playing bass and stuff with them are poseurs. CAT JACK’S triumphant one-handed drum technique blinds parents within 50 feet of the performance which is why only Benjy Ferree could stand directly in front of them on Saturday. If you can’t see you can’t play crappy music—advantage, CAT JACK.

CAT JACK vs Adult Hanson

If Hanson was to cover Survivor’s Eye of the Tiger, which they wouldn’t they are too lame at any speed, but if they did, it would probably sound like a baby duck jumping off a lily pad in a pretty pink pond which is the exact opposite of CAT JACK’S cover of EOTT which had two totally separate but viable tempos and a one note guitar solo that called to mind more of an “angry dog doing a skateboard jump off of a battleship during a tornado” kind of an image. Hanson cries and quits music to work at Build-a-bear.

CAT JACK vs Youtube dorks

The reason CAT JACK is way more fun that other kid’s groups is that someone has cleverly guided them to play their own songs, not crowd pleasingly awkward covers (which are fine but insubstantial.) From School of Rock Inc to Girls Rock to other worthy musical endeavors, the young adults make sincere but bloodless pastiches of the multiple genres de la rock. CAT JACK however is punk rock personified, singing about what is right in front of them, playing music so simple it literally can only be played correctly. Only the Shaggs could possibly stand up to them, and fortunately they have been imprisoned in an enchanted 8-ball since 1979. Therefore CAT JACK reigns unchallenged. Long live Cat Jack!

I suspect the mastermind behind their genius was songwriter and lead guy of SEAS Ben Green (who told me at some point that Cat Jack are his students but didn’t elaborate). Ben’s roots are in punk rock but, like a lot of musicians once they hit the age of thoughtfulness, his songs deal more with regret and introspection that joy and outlandishness. He mostly stuck to acoustic guitar strumming, with two other guitar players layering heavy FX-drenched surfy/shoe-gazey lines overtop of the solid midtempo minor key tunes. There was less harmonizing live than shows up on the recorded stuff I’ve heard, but his voice is strong enough, ranging from deep Mountain Goats rumble to high alt-country moan, to carry the tunes alone on most songs. The songs themselves were thoughtful and sad. On the whole it made me want to smoke cigarettes, lots of cigarettes. The slow loud ones made me want to smoke and sit on a covered porch after watching an Eric Rohmer film as it rains, and the faster ones with the strumming made me want to smoke two cigarettes at once and get into a fistfight with a male cheerleader. I quit smoking in 2009, so I’m glad I went to the show, and even more glad that I headed straight home instead of going to Mousetrap and drinking a lot of whiskey and forgetting I quit and smoking. I didn’t feel the cold at all on the bike ride home.

Previously in Live DC:

• 5/22: LiveDC: Spirit Animal @ Red Palace
• 5/22: LiveDC: Astra Via @ Black Cat
• 5/22: LiveDC: Father John Misty @ Rock & Roll Hotel
• 5/22: LiveDC: Drive-By Truckers and Lucinda Williams @ Merriweather
• 5/22: Photos: Summer Camp takes the "Ladies of Town" Drag Show
• 5/22: LiveDC: Penguin Prison & Class Actress @ RNR Hotel
• 5/21: LiveDC: James Morrison @ 930 Club
• 5/21: Photos: Que Sera L'Anniversaire @ Napoleon
• 5/21: LiveDC: La Sera/ Beach Week @ Red Palace
• 5/21: LiveDC: The Black Keys & Arctic Monkeys @ Merriweather Post Pavilion