Brightest Young Things

When I was in HS my friends and I tried to go garage hopping around my neighborhood after drinking all we had in the graveyard that was by my house. We didn't find any open garages or booze. We did run into a couple of older kids though, who were riding around the neighborhood in their truck, vandalizing shit. We had just been walking around LOOKING to get into trouble be we didn't find it. Nonetheless, this didn't stop those punks from telling the neighborhood watch guy who was driving around in his car that we were the ones breaking shit. Long story short, we noticed we were being tailed so we ducked into a fenced backyard. We peaked out and a couple minutes later saw a cop car drive by. We started freaking out trying to decide what to do when all of a sudden the whole yard lit up and there was a police helicopter flying above, shining it's light down on us. We jumped the fence on the other side and start sprinting down the street to try to get back to my house, and when we're just about to make the turn onto my street another cop car comes around the corner. We cut through another back yard, then across the street then finally into my backyard. No booze came of it but we did get a couple of sprained ankles.

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When I lived in College Park my roommates and I would smoke blunts almost every single day.

And then we would play video games.

The blunt would go out naturally, and then we'd re-spark it and smoke more/play more. It was only 3 of us, really.

Why the fuck did we always smoke blunts?

Then we'd watch a movie. Typical shit. Big Lebowski. 2001. Etc.

There were no cops.

Then we would go to Town Hall. The only real bar in College Park.

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16 years old and working as a line cook at the Bob Evans in Columbia Md - Rstrt Park. My best friend Justin, whose idea of cooking up to that point was ordering a medium cheese pizza from dominos (no exaggeration) was the executive chef, he was also 16. One day after work we were smoking a blunt near the neighboring tgifridays with a few other employees when a drunk undercover cop comes out of the fridays and starts walking right for us. We werent sure if he was actually headed for us or just his parked car, as he continued to stumble, we became confident that he was actually aimed our way, and all doubt washed away when he said "im an undercover howard county police officer, what do you have in your hand? what is that? what the fuq is that!!?!" I had the blunt in my hand and passing it off was not an option at that point, neither was throwing it, as all of us would have gotten in trouble. in my left hand i had a Styrofoam employee cup from Bob Evans filled with dr pibb. He was about 3 feet from me and closing in to arrest when i threw the contents of the cup towards him, juked him out of his wranglers, wu tanged the blunt and ran toward my car, driving all the way home high as a kite and with my parking brake on (in a stick shift car for those of you that know what that means).
On duty cops were called and my friends/coworkers were questioned, nobody said a word.
I went home and watched 12 monkeys..
Just give the gift back to the runner up, im not putting down my email. Those who know the HO CO PO know why: you never win twice..

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My cat, Jessie, really likes the smell of smoke. She once lit herself on fire playing by a candle, she used to stand by the screen door while my sister smoked, her face pressed against the wires, trying to catch a whiff of whatever shitty brand my sister's boyfriend at the time had bought her a pack of. So whenever I bring out the pipe, she's really into it. Cautious, at first, sniffing the air, then coming closer, gradually. I'll admit, I sometimes blow smoke in her face, maybe I've gotten her hooked.

I live in a small studio, furniture is a bed and a couch and one table that usually has too much shit on it, so when I had two couples staying with me for a few days (only one of which I actually knew), and we decided to smoke, we had to sit in a circle. But of course, we were watching Tim and Eric, and the only spot we could all sit on the floor was right in front of the tv, where your parents always wouldn't let you sit. We made a semi-circle around the tv, no one turning their back to Tim and Eric, leaving a gap the exact right size for one person. The cat was asleep, but woke up when she smelled the smoke. She sauntered over, again, cautious at first, got as close to the pipe as possible, sniffing, and then sat down right in front of the tv, in the empty spot that was the perfect place for another person. For that one day, my cat was one of us.

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So I wont be in town but I do appreciate sharing a good story. This happened when I was 19 on a windy night in September. I was driving around with my friends, Jenny and Quinton on a Saturday night and we decided to hotbox Jenny's Sedan. So Jenny and Q hop in the back seat and start to roll a blunt. Jenny who SWEARS she is psychically inclined keeps saying, "We need to leave, we're gonna get caught". I in my infinite wisdom and having smoked a total number of 4 times before this did my best to quell her anxiety. Finally she agreed to stay and was just CERTAIN we'd get mopped by the cops. We were having fun puff, puff, passing the time when all of a sudden I we hear the signature "Woop Woop" and lights. I panic...then get calm. I roll the window down a couple inches and toss the blunt on the ground hoping the wind does the rest, while Jenny and Q quickly light cigarettes to mask the weed smell; Newports of course. The cop walks up to my windows and asks me to roll it down. He says, "what ya'll doing?" I tell him, "We're chilling...my friend just got into an argument with his baby mama so they are smoking and relaxing". He asks me what I tossed out the window, I tell him it was a cigarette...he asks me why I tossed it out, I told him because I don't have my ID and I look like I'm 14. He asked me to get out of the car as he flicked on his flashlight, we all complied.

He didn't bother to search the car, but said we shouldn't be in this neighborhood and we shouldn't be posting in a car like this at night, especially one that smells like weed. We agreed...but got nervous when we saw another cop car pull up.

The cop walks up and looks both displeased and oddly familiar....OH SHIT...WE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH THIS GUY. So my friend Jenny immediately starts talking him up and my eyes are scanning the ground to make sure the blunt isn't in view. The cop that initially tapped the window began to walk towards the back of the car and they all decide to go on their merry way. We all breathe a sigh of relief and I drop to the ground to look for the blunt...it had wedged itself beneath one of the wheels, a little smashed but no worse for the wear. We planned to hold onto this blunt for the rest of our lives as a memento of good luck, almost like a lucky rabbits foot. But it was a fat blunt and it needed to be smoked...so that's exactly what we did.

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So....At Boarding school my freshman year, our dorms were on the campus of University of Bridgeport, crazy times. My parents sent me away for smoking blunts rolled in notebook paper in the bathrooms of Bowie High...So we had this perfect smoking spot on the top floor of an art building, It was completely safe, old art projects all around, Charlie Chaplin paintings on the walls. Spot was sweet. So we are all up there poppin' pills and drinking, but it was the blunt that threw me over the edge. Next thing I know, I'm in the hallway of my dorm running around, threatening to kill people, talking some crazy shit. Flash- to the principle's office. I awake for a min from this blunt blackout sitting in a chair, and in front of me is the headmaster and his wife , school nurse, my psych teacher, and dorm parent. They are speaking but I can't make out what is being said except for
"If you can tell us your name, we won't take you to the hospital...."
Sobering moment. I muster up the strength in my mouth muscles to say my name.
I woke up on the headmaster's couch with a friend beside me. I went back to class the next day with out ever hearing about the incident again. Thank God Dad pays the school bill on time.

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I'd been getting drunk since I was 12 but I was deliberately the anti-christ of weed until about 16. That's when I met this chick who eventually became my first fuck--i really loved her too. She was pretty earthy, in to beatniks and certainly thought weed was cool. All my boyz had been blazin since 13, 14 and of course the movie KIDS had just come out, and all that 90s skateboarding and grunge and hip hop shit was colliding... BLUNTS were king, not only the de facto method of getting high, but the ONLY way to do it (son!)

They used to do "Senior Take Over Day" at Wilde Lake in Columbia and seniors could pick a teacher to switch places with for the day. I had been planning this one for years--The School Secretary who did the morning announcements! Plus she was my girl anyway--so I knew she'd let me get the mic for the day! Of course I got to school a little late cause I HAD to smoke an L in the woods before 1st Period... fucking addict… but then I busted in there, half the office knew I was high, I played it cool--didn't even acknowledge that I was late and had already missed the first morning announcements. Fuck it—the first morning announcements were for sissies anyway—half the school ain’t there yet or they’re still asleep.

First Period was ending and I knew my big moment was coming up… bout to rip the microphone to shreads with bus schedule advisories, updates on turning in lacrosse jerseys, singling mofos out who need to get they asses to the principal’s office pronto! It was gonna be on ALL DAY long… This is the part where the shit did a 180 on me… but don’t get too sad. Right before 1st Period ended, they got news that this kid who had graduated the year before, finally lost his battle with cancer. The Principal read the sad news… some stupid senior girls who had switched with the Lunch Ladies were still giggly about our plans to call a pep rally in the middle of the school day, but I was kind of blown—no more “Good Morning Vietnam” shit.

I still wanted to have fun, cause it wasn’t like we didn’t know Aaron was gonna die… but it was like it went from the Beastie Boys’ & Q-tip’s Ill Communication to some more reminiscent shit like Gangsta Lean… “I tip my 40 to your memory… take a drink and I start to think and I…”

I saw one of my homies later around 4th period and he had a blunt and the kid who switched with the janitor miraculously convinced the janitor to give him the keys to the school roof. No kids had EVER been allowed on the roof, much less to smoke a blunt in broad daylight during school. Wilde Lake had just been rebuilt brand new in 1996 and Howard County had cops crawling in the schools… they’d bring drug dogs in on random days … dress cops up in guidance counselor gear and ask you if you smoked… paranoia was 45% of a weed smoker’s daily exercise… But this was our moment to get it in… We got up on the top floor, unlocked the roof, stepped out into the sun, lit the Corona, scoped some chicks on the Field Hockey Bermuda Grass… we could see cop cars parked in the front lot… we could see gym teachers out back and on the track with kids… we could see parents walking in and out of the building… little as 9th graders half the size of their backpacks being escorted by mom to get an allergy checkup. Redemption Blunt.

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I'm smoking a fat blunt right now.

(p.s. - don't you mean "vial" of Visine? Somebody edit this shit.)

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