Brightest Young Things

For my birthday this year I received the raddest present ever: My girlfriend Amy took me on a surprise whirlwind trip to Walt Disney World. Like, OMG. To put it mildly, my excitement beat the living shit out of that kid in the candy store. There is something about being in Disney World that, for lack of a less obvious word, is magical. This is a trip I think everyone needs to do if you a) haven't been or b) haven't been in many years. a) was the case for Amy, and b) was the case for me. Growing up with relatives in Orlando certainly had its perks. What I offer you below is an account of my Disney adventure that I hope will aide you in planning yours.

If you want to skip ahead, here are the other days:

Day 2 Part I: Animal Kingdom
Day 2 Part II: Epcot
Day 3: Magic Kingdom

Look for cheap package deals at:
http://wdwinfo.com/

And here is a good guide on the best time to go to Disney:
http://travelwithkids.about.com/cs/disneyworld/a/whenvisitwdw.htm

And one more:
http://www.wdisneyw.co.uk/when.html

Saturday

The new security check point at Dulles is relatively efficient and the new trains to take you between terminals are a huge improvement over the previous Jawa sandcrawlers.

My first time flying Jet Blue.  They definitely have more leg room than other airlines.  Live TV on a hour and 45 min flight is nice.  Steward informs the passenger next to us that they charge for blankets because other airlines don't wash theirs.  Nasty.  The captain is ex-military and crazy/funny.  I read Paul Chadwick's Concrete in my ongoing quest to revisit classic comic books from the 80s.  Amy reads Paper mag and I reminisce about the Bentzen Ball.

We arrive at the Best Western in the Downtown Disney resort area after a 20 min taxi ride from the airport. Three terrible guido couples are checking in before us. It’s like they are parodies of terrible guido couples from some youtube comedy video where it would have been funnier if they were a bit more subtle.  Amy and I try to hold back snickering at the horrible glistening boob job protrusions.  I imagine them getting room service and eating their sunny side up eggs directly off the bronzed cleavage as they sit up in bed and watch crappy daytime television.  Then this white trash couple walks in behind us and the girl is wearing a red corset with black lace.  At 6:30 in the afternoon.  In the Best Western hotel lobby.  Oh, and there is a Nascar in front of the hotel for some reason.

The hotel is part of the Downtown Disney area.  I recommend staying at one of these hotels on your trip cause there is a free bus service to all the parks. Downtown Disney itself is a huge baroque clustering of waterfront shopping, dining, and entertainment open to the public and geared toward an older crowd. It includes Pleasure Island, Cirqu Du Soleil, cheesy theme restaurants like Rainforest Café, a movie theater, dozens of shops, Disney Quest – a 5 story state of the art video game complex, and hundreds more of the aforementioned unpleasant specimens of homo sapiens.  In my younger days I never realized how utterly trashy everyone here was, I call my mom and she verifies that yes, it was always that way, but adds it's nothing compared to Kissimmee.  Amy and I debate which has worse people, Downtown Disney or the Las Vegas strip. I suggest the strip, cause at least here they don't have those 3 ft tall plastic souvenir margarita bongs. We stop being elitist for a moment and look for some place to eat as we’ve missed our reservations.

We find a Wolfgang Puck restaurant but the wait is too long and we have a Cirque Du Soleil show to catch.   Luckily they have an express counter where you order and seat yourself.  The meatball pizza, chicken melt, and caesar salad were solid and relatively cheap.  Recommended.

We have time to stop into D Street, the new urban street style Disney paraphernalia store. This sounds much worse than it actually is. Half the shop is devoted to Kid Robot style vinyl toys. Well, one toy actually, a sort of Dunny that looks like Mickey Mouse, with an endless array of customizations. There is a station where kids can create their own, and some quality artist series in display cases. It’s refreshing to see a mainstreaming of this market done relatively well.

photo by Suzannah of Zannaland.com

There is also an entire store of fridge magnets. For realz y'all.

We head to La Nouba, the permanent and unique Cirque show running in Downtown Disney. I’ve seen it twice before (!), but it’s been a long time. We take our seats, they’re excellent, right in the middle, which is where you want to be for this show as there is so much going on it’s hard to take it all in if you’re too close. I highly recommend getting your tix as early as possible because they fill up fast.  Amy questions if it’s going to be worth it as tickets were pricey and we just saw “O“ last year. I explain that if my memory serves me right, this show is not nearly as classy as some of the other productions, but the impressive quality of the actual stunts/acts are beyond anything I’ve ever seen. My memory indeed serves me right. While the show suffers from too much comedy, terribly dated internet boom inspired costumes, and a general lack of cohesiveness, the feats on display are otherworldly. Trick bike routines blow minds, impossibly small and cute Chinese girls fling their diabolos with scary precision, bodies fly through the air without safety nets, jugglers casually manipulate nine objects at a time, and a finale trampoline scene makes Spider-Man look like a 3rd grade gym class. It’s quite possibly the finest piece of entertainment I’ve ever witnessed. Even the third time around.  Don't be a cheap hipster, just splurge on those tickets, it will make you reevaluate life.

Don't watch the videos when you walk in, they ruin some surprises.

We rush back to the hotel to try to get some sleep before the big day tomorrow. There is no *cold* water in our room. Weird.

Tomorrow: Animal Kingdom!  Yaay!

Day 2 Part I: Animal Kingdom
Day 2 Part II: Epcot
Day 3: Magic Kingdom

Previously in Misc/Awesome:

• 12/28: Terrible Boyfriend/ Girlfriend Generator.
• 12/1: The John Waters Advent Calendar-it starts today
• 11/28: It Chooses You: All I Want for Christmas is Everything from Miranda July's Pop-Up Shop
• 11/3: Things I'd Move to Minnesota For
• 9/6: PHOTOS: Maloof $$ Money Cup
• 9/2: PHOTOS: Chantilly Model Train Show
• 9/1: Libby's List: 5 Things I Want Right Now...
• 8/22: PHOTOS: Best Friends Day
• 8/10: PHOTOS: Lawn Mover Racing, Eastern Seaboard Regionals @ Bowles Farm
• 7/26: Special List: Things the BYGays Want Now That We Can Marry In DC (and NY!)