Brightest Young Things

Everyone please welcome the BURGER DAYS team who will be scouring DC for BEST BURGERS around and joining us for a special OFF SHOT column of SILF which we're calling BILB (classy, we know)

TODAY WE KICK OFF in style with:

STONEY'S ONE EYE

This is a burger.

And this is the place you come for that burger.

We’ve eaten, and enjoyed, our fair share of fancy burgers, but sometimes you just want a down-to-earth, aioli-free straight. up. burger. The kind you can stuff into your face at the bar and not worry about getting the stink eye from the guy eating a $40 filet at the next table over.

This is it.

The One Eye arrives with a perfectly fried egg: the white with just the right amount of brown around the edges while the yellow-orangey yolk ever-so slightly jiggles and teases beneath the center. This sits atop the swiss cheese-blanketed patty, both being held by the soft, yet sturdy, bottom of a brioche bun. The other half of the bun holds lettuce, tomato and two of the most picturesque, crispy, strips of bacon.*

You want to dive in. You wish you could just breathe in the delicious beauty. But you can’t.

It’s not ready yet.

No, there’s still one more thing to do.

You place the top bun on and, with just the slightest hint of pressure, the yolk breaks and the runny, gooey inside is released from its eggy prison and makes a mad dash for the burger border. It reaches the edge and flows, like a yolk-waterfall, over the sides.

Now. Now it’s time to eat.

Don’t worry about the mess, it’s a foregone conclusion many napkins will die in this fight. But it’s ok, it will all be worth it.

You pick up the gorgeous creation, fingers digging in, and give it one final squeeze to bring it down to a manageable size. This sends even more yolk oozing out and your tongue can barely stand it as it whimpers in anticipation in the final seconds before you bite.

Then you break though.

The brioche, with the perfect amount of sweetness, hits you first. The bottom of the bun has already soaked up the juices from the beef and some of the yolk, and the combo makes your once-drooling taste buds scream in delight. Then comes the burger. You pierce the tender, 85/15 blended patty and a wave of savory, beefy heaven invades your senses only to be followed with the bite from the slightly sharp swiss. The flavor assault doesn’t let up as the ensuing blast from the yolk hits full force as you reach the epicenter of the sandwich.

And just when you think your mouth can’t possibly compute any more flavors, you reach the bacon.

O.

M.

G.

The bacon.

When the crispy, salty strips of pork candy join the party, well, that’s when it just gets stupid.

All the components, from up and down the flavor spectrum, come together, tumbling over one another with each chew and unite to form one of the best tastes of burger you’ll enjoy in the D.C. area.

And that’s just the first bite.

It’s not fancy. It’s not gourmet. It’s beef, pork and egg on a bun.

It’s Stoney’s.

This is a burger.

* The One Eye comes without bacon but adding it is a must. It’ll set you back three more bucks, but it’s worth every crispy, salty, bacony penny.

Previously in BILB:

• 5/8: BILB: Good Stuff Eatery in Crystal City
• 3/28: BILB: Burger I'd Like To Bang
• 2/23: BILB: BURGER I'd Like To Bang
• 2/2: BILB: Burger I'd Like to Bang: Bacon Jammin'
• 2/2: BILB First Look: Black & Orange Comes to U Street
• 12/20: BILB: Burger I'd Like to Bang
• 11/16: BILB: Burger I'd Like to Bang
• 11/9: BILB: Burger I'd Like to Bang
• 8/31: BILB: Burger I'd Like To Bang
• 6/9: BILB: Burger I'd Like To Bang