Brightest Young Things

By Brandon Wetherbee

Brandon Wetherbee hosts the talk show/podcast You, Me, Them, Everybody the first two Friday’s of the month at the Wonderland Ballroom and in Brooklyn and Chicago once a month. Listen to it online at youmethemeverybody.com. He’ll be at the Wonderland Ballroom on July 1 with guests Ryan Holladay from Bluebrain, stand up Evan Valentine and music from Adrian Hardkor.

The whole point of late night is to witness unplanned events. The problem is that these things don’t happen all that often. You want to see something explode, someone storm off or maybe a wedding. You usually see some B-list celebrity plugging some very bad project that were sorta involved in making. It’s difficult to plan chaos, it’s actually impossible. Planned calamities just bomb. It takes a very good guest, a willing participant, to create something worthwhile. I’ve been lucky enough to have some perfect guests. Last Monday Katie Balloons stopped by the show. With just a fifteen minute interview, we learned little about her yet were completely enthralled. After listening back to her appearance, I realized that there are guidelines and/or recommendations to be a good guest. Here are a few.

• Have a story

I have no idea what you want to talk about. You know what’s boring? Talking about exactly what you want to talk about. The whole point of this thing is to have a conversation that isn’t completely pre-planned. Feel free to tell me what you want to talk about. I’ll even ask you what you don’t want to talk about (this is usually stuff like day jobs, religion, relationships, etc. and I really like talking about day jobs, religion, relationships, etc.) and I’ll respect this. If you have a story that you know works, tell it. If you listen to the hosts questions, it’ll come out naturally and I promise, I’ll make you seem smarter and funnier than me.

• Feel free to dress for the occasion

There’s a reason people still buy costumes, they’re funny. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with getting a cheap laugh. There’s also no shame in wearing a suit when you’re on a talk show. Treat your appearance like prom and, if all goes well, you’ll end up in a limo with mysterous stains on most of your formal wear.

• If you have something to say, say it

It doesn’t matter if you’re being interviewed or if your segment is done, if you have a joke, say it as quickly and as clearly as possible. The crowd and host will appreciate it. One of the reasons why I like my co-hosts and sidekicks is because they’ll interrupt at any point with a question or quip. If it’s a good one, which is usually is, the crowd will be laughing and the guest will feel at ease. If it bombs, I get a chance to have fun with the failure, also giving the guest a break.

• Hang out with unstable people

I was watching this when it aired for the first time. Within the first five seconds, I violently shook my girlfriend to wake her up and invite her to witness history. She woke up, watched it and instantly went back to bed. The following morning she asked me if what I woke her up for was a dream. I said yes. There have been many shows that the crowd thought I was going to get my ass kicked by the guest. It’s never been close to happening, we just looked insane together on stage. This is a good thing. There’s a reason I’m a big fan of Sean Gray from Fan Death Records. Following his first appearance on my show I asked him to do the show againl. He said yes. I also asked if he hated me. He said yes. This is a good thing.

So that’s all it takes. Either be Norm MacDonald or come ready with a story, an open mind and dress to the nines. Or you can be like most people and get nervous and wonder if you should have said yes to this thing at all. I promise it’s not that painful.

Thanks for reading and have a wonderful night.

Previously in behind the desk:

• 5/11: Behind the Desk #46: Radio Friendly Unit Shifter
• 5/4: Behind the Desk #45: Last Show, Re-introduction
• 4/27: Behind The Desk 44: As A Guest
• 4/20: Behind the Desk #43: Sharon Needles for President
• 4/13: Behind the Desk #10- ”Soon I'll Be In The Air!”
• 4/6: Behind The Desk 42: Bros Being Bros
• 3/30: Behind The Desk 41: Why This Is A Game Show
• 3/26: Behind The Desk 40: Before This is A Game Show
• 3/16: Behind The Desk 39: Everything is Terrible!
• 3/9: Behind The Desk 38: Poke The Bear