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The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly: 2009’s WORST Music Packaging Review

December 22, 2009 by John Foster

Looking forward as our Judging A Cover By Its Cover column continues to offer it’s weekly joy (keep those letters coming kids) it seemed like a good idea to properly assess 2009: The Year in Packaging.

This will run much like the usual best and worst listings (and terribly similar to the last two years) but first we need a few ground rules. I will be judging covers based on expectations and possibilities as much as – if not more than – basic aesthetics. This means if you are a pop songstress and you produced a cover with your big ol’ airbrushed yap on the cover with scripty type and filigrees or you are a Top 40 rapper with a tough looking photo of you with your shirt off and bling to the gills draped all over the place – well, of course you did – and Merry Christmas, as I have left a pass under the tree for you.

If you are Tori Amos… well, you get a pass because I am just stunned to hear that you are still putting out music and can’t be bothered to view your floating into the blahs cover. If you were Morrissey – when did you completely give up on this part of your game?

If it universally sucks than I won’t waste my time mentioning it here either (see Chris Brown doing the “hey look at me trying to be Kanye with my spacey cartoon shit. Just like the music, my outfit and anamaniacs are a little less original and soaked in some good old-fashioned suckage.)

If you are a dead serious indie rock band – you might not fare as well… This is for items worthy of discussion only and to shame those that should know better and praise the proud few.

We are stretching this holiday joy into a two day affair, so yesterday was the red hot, just back from the club, 24 hour romp in the sack (and kitchen and hallway and your roommate’s bed and…) while today is the harsh reality that all of the painkillers from your knee surgery are missing from the medicine cabinet and your couch smells like urine and you think that girl that just left your group house in your roommate’s Volvo might be your third cousin.

So yeah – today brings out the WORSTies:

Cass McCombs “Catacombs”

The very epitome of the crappy doodle/art school C- drawing covering up the thoughtful wisps of songwriter goodness inside: Saddens me. Oh – not the songs – that typography. (This narrowly beats The Dodos “Time to Die” for this slot – lucky dog.)

Wavves “Wavvves”

There is lo-fi and then there is a crappy photo of an 80s kid skateboarding with a big mess of branches and then type (oddly centered over itself) hacked up in the corner giving the feel that this was put together in Microsoft Word. Completely half-assed – as if I should be surprised…

Neil Young “Fork In The Road”

In a year when a beautiful box set of his past work was released, the Neil Young of today comes across as horribly out of touch with this shitsandwich of a Photoshop-filtered photo that couldn’t have been any good to start with. (Truth be told, this could be a video capture. Truth be told, we couldn’t give a crap either way.) It even has weak handwritten type and I ALWAYS love handwritten type. That the record is a commentary on modern technology in a lot of ways shows just how out of touch Young might be. Embarrassing for an artist of his stature.

tUnE-YaRdS “BiRd-BrAiNs”

This is terribly shallow, but as invigorating as it can be to watch Merrill Garbus do her thing (hunt down the studio video in the 4AD site despite the fact that you can see a super shiny face and facial hair) she doesn’t have the looks to go with the sounds where this should justifiably fly off the shelves. It’s a shame, but no excuse to hide behind an amateurish cover that feels like some 5^th rate sub Pegboy meets new wave wedding band release in the 80s, pre-computer aided design. And what does that title text line up with? Not justified right or gridded to anything above it. A real head scratcher and so far removed from the beauty within.

Cymbals Eat Guitars “Why There Are Mountains”

Graphic design nightmares are made of being presented with a drawing like this to make a cover from. Luckily the designer made the most of it with inventive type and layout and… oh wait… Well at east this wasn’t attached to a better design previously… oh wait…

Bat for Lashes “Two Suns”

As long as Natasha Khan keeps putting out records every year this will prevent this column from becoming the Absolutely Kosher invitational. Making a beguiling mix of current moodiness and classic Cure inspired underpinnings, one can expect a night theme, but having her dressed up like she is about to perform a one woman off broadway show of “My Life as a Juggling Act at Burning Man” is not only stilted but totally off base.

Animal Collective “Merriweather Post Pavillion”

Much more detail in the column this year but using a gimmick cover that only works on your screen for what many consider a landmark release (it certainly holds a few of the defining songs of the year) when the bulk of sales will be conducted from viewing the art on a screen might be a perverse comment on the industry but it is so unattractive in it’s own right that I can’t wrap my head around any other intent.

Major Lazer “Guns Don’t Kill People… Lazers Do”

An impressive barrage of crappy illustration across all formats and singles, this reads like the full output of one of those derivative So Cal frat punk labels in the late 80s/early 90s. Is it being ironic? Maybe. Does it do it well? Nopers. Is the music a worthwhile mashup extravaganza? Yes sir. Would you know it from this cover? No way. Epic fail.

Dinosaur Jr. “Farm”/Lou Barlow “Goodnight Unknown”

While all involved returned to form musically, they also continued a long tradition of ridiculously awful paintings gracing their covers (although Lou has snuck in some passable sleeves at times.) I don’t mind strange subject matter but these are always poorly executed as well – double trouble.

Absolutely Kosher

In what has become a tradition, virtually all of the releases on Absolutely Kosher have musical merit and are encased in a bizarre collection of imagery and clunky typography. It is funny in how consistent it is at this point – like the bizarro Factory Records.

Eminem “Relapse”

Gets a special mention – it isn’t terrible, but in a genre where so many of the record sleeves are sooo commercially driven, with silly overblown type and harshly lit press shots, this one actually had a chance. It is a great concept (see The Clientele yesterday) when done right, but this one somehow comes across as a cheesy HP ad where it could have been transcendent. Shame.

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