all photos: Dakota Fine
all words: Jeff Jetton
models: Jeff Jetton and Brock Boss (whose band Ra Ra Rasputin you can catch TONIGHT at 930 club)

You are busy, dear patron of the arts, we are well aware.  Between the jazz at HR57 and the rock at Fort Reno, the paintings at the Portrait Gallery and the spoken word at Busboys and Poets, who has time for the theatre?  Not you, right?  Wrong.

Cap Fringe Fest is back.  Bigger and better and with more buttons.  And the great news is that ‘15 Minutes’ is back, too, to show you how to maneuver this behemoth of a festival whilst not manhandling your tight schedule.

Cap Fringe is a doozy this year, so Julianne Brienza, the creator and CEO of the festival decided to put the majority of the shows all in the space of one block, anchored by Fort Fringe, the headquarters at 607 New York Ave.

This is a bonus for you, Sally Shakespeare, because thou not needest don thine Asics and run a marathon all over town to see everything.  It’s all right here.  Which makes cruising through this sucker in 15 minutes all the easier.  Brock and I dropped by Fort Fringe to make sure everything was in tip-top shape and ready to go.  Turns out they still needed a little help getting all the bells and whistles applied, so we put on some masks and got to painting and sweeping.  Keep your eye out for Brock’s masterpiece at the Warehouse…

You’ll want to start out with a little bit of comedy.  Irish Authors Held Hostage might be right up your alley.  What you might not have gotten from the title is that this play is about Irish authors (such as Oscar WIlde), held hostage.  By terrorists (such as jihadists).

You’re just getting warmed up, Rosencrantz, catch your breath.  Zehra Fazal has cooked up some lovely Weird Al-style musings on life as an Pakistani-American woman in these crazy times in her show Headscarf and the Angry Bitch.  Think Persepolis meets Flight of the Choncords.

The show isn’t too long, which means you’ve got a little time to stop by the dressing room after the show and drop off some flowers like they used to do in old movies.  Funny enough, Zehra even showers in that headscarf (quite the tradionalist), and she agreed to come out and meet some adoring fans.  She prefers cold, hard cash to flowers, though.

Alright, here’s where things get tricky.  You’ve got to start making some decisions.  There’s so much to see.  But you want to see bare-breasted women swordfighting, right?  Of course you do.  You’re not going to believe this, there are actually TWO shows with bare-breasted women going at it with swords.  We checked them both out for you.  Very different.  Both great.  Flip a coin.

There’s Bare-breasted Women Swordfighting:

And then there’s bare-breasted “women”, SWORDfighting in Uncorseted.  We use the term ‘women’ loosely.  Brock suggested we join in the revelry and get a little bare-breasted ourselves.  Note: we do NOT suggest trying this on your journey.  It’s a waste of your 15 minutes AND the camera always adds 20-25 pounds.  I swear, it’s true.

We aren’t going to tell you to see one set of bare-breasts vs. the other.  Personally, we’re both breast-men and what we’d really love to see is one set of bare-breasted women dueling the other set of bare-breasted “women”, but the Festival producers were not taking any of our suggestions.  Next year, Fort Fringe, we’re coming back with our ‘director’ hats on.  Watch out.  Anyhow, screw it, see them both.  One can never get enough of theatrical swordfighting.

You are working your way quickly through this, but don’t forget to stop and have some refreshments.  A beer break is always good.

Stop off in the Baldacchino Gypsy Tent Bar for some libations.  They are open througout the festival.

Brock hadn’t even had a sip of his brew before the Washington Examiner’s DC Art/Travel Columnist, Marsha Dubrow had slammed back her Blue Moon and started whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

Drink up, buttercup.  Grab that Fringe Festival guide and make some more decisions.

Seriously, we can’t call all your shots.  We can only make suggestions.  You’re in an ocean of theatre right now and you better start swimming.  It’s not all comedy, either.  There’s traditional Indian dance, a quirky musical about a country/western variety show, some guy in a white suit and hat talking about religion or something and even gospel singing tutorials.

Here’s the full menu:

SHOWLISTING

You are nearing the end, I know you’re tired.  You’re probably thinking at this point that you never want to see another stage-production again.  Buck up, there, Guildenstern, we’ve got a little number that will put the spark back in your step.  It’s called Please Listen: A Musical Chaos and it’s got something to do with Robots from outer space, a band that kidnaps some record executives and farmers.  Sounds weird, yes, but it’s really good.

Fringe Fest Vid from Dakota Fine on Vimeo.

Fringe Robot Singers from Dakota Fine on Vimeo.

Okay, kiddos, we’ve got a treat for you.  Slow News Day, one of the most critically acclaimed shows at the Fringe, has graciously offered to help start you out on your journey.  If you buy one ticket for the show tonight (at 1030 PM), they’ll give BYT readers a second for free (if you’re one of the first ten people to take advantage).

All you need to do is put Brightest Young Things in the organization line under the name when you check out:

“Slow News Day” tickets

Start tonight.  20,000 audience members, 200 different artists groups, hundreds of works, 15 minutes.  Okay, maybe you can’t finish this one in exactly fifteen minutes.  We embellish a little bit from time to time.  Half an hour might be more realistic.  Please go out and support all of the folks who are working really hard to bring you this festival.  It’s worth it, guaranteed.

And for more fifteen minutes fun (including a quite lengthy debate on gun control) check out our other posts:

www.brightestyoungthings.com/art-design/artomatic-in-15-minutes/

www.brightestyoungthings.com/featured/sculpture-garden-in-fifteen-minutes/

www.brightestyoungthings.com/photo-posts/washington-auto-show-in-15-minutes/

www.brightestyoungthings.com/i-heart-dc/cherry-blossom-festival-in-15-minutes/

www.brightestyoungthings.com/i-heart-dc/northern-virginia-in-15-minutes/

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